Is Terrence Jones the long-term answer for the Rockets at the power forward position?
Ask Omer Asik, Patrick Patterson, Marcus Morris or Donatas Motiejunas, and they’ll tell you the answer: no. The long-term answer was supposed to be Dirk, but that didn’t quite work out. So now McHale plays whomever he can find for the spot while secretly wishing that he had Dirk, taking out his frustration by benching and starting players at random.
And if you look in the McHale’s wastebasket, you find some really weird stuff. I would know because I snuck in there while pretending to be a janitor. It’s so easy to get access to these off-limits places as long as you carry a mop and pretend not to speak English. “No hablo ingles! Must clean! Must clean!” Gets them every damn time.
Anyway, amidst the used tissues and depleted ballpoint pens, there were a number of crumpled up letters. These apparently were deemed unsuitable for the eyes of their intended recipient.
We have Howard. We have Harden. Could you please come to Houston and help us make a big three? Parsons doesn’t count because he’s never even been an All-Star.
Your friend Kevin.
P.S. I asked our catering staff and they can definitely make weinerschnitzel for you if you want it”
“Hey Big D,
You don’t want to play with Monta Ellis. He is a maniac. You’ll get way more touches here playing with an elite PG in Jeremy Lin. I already told Howard not to expect anything more than garbage putbacks because you’ll be splashing one-legged faders all day every day.
Monta Ellis sucks. Just forget the Mavs. They have no respect for your legacy signing a loser like that and pretending he’s going to make the team better.
PLEASE COME TO HOUSTON!!!! PLEASE DIRK! PLEASE! An assistant coach just handed me a tentative depth chart and he had Terrence Jones penciled in at power forward. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO TERRENCE JONES IS! Tell Mark Cuban that we’ll give him Asik and Lin and however many picks he wants. We have first-rounders, he can have five of them if he wants. He can have Aaron Brooks too. DIRK! PLEASE RESPOND!’