Andre Drummond All 166 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation)

Andre Drummond and Brandon Jennings relaxed on Brandon’s couch. Remote in hand, Andre flipped through TV channels listlessly, hoping to find something worth watching.

“I told you, we should just watch ESPN,” Brandon complained. “Maybe they’ll talk about us.”

Andre shook his head. “ESPN blows. I’m not the brightest guy but even I can tell that they’re talking crap 90% of the time.”

Brandon slumped further against the couch and crossed his arms. “Fine. But you know your life has derailed when you watch two minutes of a Lifetime made-for-TV movie out of boredom.”

“Shut up. I thought there was about to be a nude scene. I-wait, that chick was hot! Go back! Go back!” Andre hurriedly jabbed the “channel down” button.

“Dude, Nickelodeon is for little kids,” Brandon said, eying the logo at the bottom of the screen with distrust.

Andre stared raptly at the TV. “Maybe so, but that girl definitely ain’t for little kids. What’s her name?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Brandon snapped. “If I want to look at pictures of hot women, I find porn on the internet, not some slut on a kid’s TV show.”

Looking at the TV guide, Andre saw the name of the show: “iCarly”. That was all he needed. As soon as the beautiful woman’s face disappeared from the screen, he bent down over his phone, his oversized fingers tapping on and swiping across the screen. “Got it! Her name’s Jennette McCurdy!”

“That’s cool,” Brandon replied. “Now you can shut up about her.”

“Don’t talk that way about my Jennette!” Andre bellowed, before getting up from the couch. “I gotta get going.”

Staring nervously at his phone, Andre read the unsent Twitter DM for the sixth time. Was it too direct? Not direct enough? She had already followed him, which was promising, but maybe it was a pity-follow.

Then again, what was there to lose? The kind of people who followed Jennette McCurdy didn’t exactly care about NBA players. And she was really hot and smart.

Before he could stop himself, Andre hit the “send” button and shut his eyes. Within a minute, his phone made a sound indicating that a reply had been sent.

Andre hesitantly opened his eyes and read the new message. As he did, he smiled widely.

“So, did you have a good time?” Andre asked.

“Are you kidding? Bowling is, like, seriously a blast,” Jennette said happily. “I don’t know why people don’t do it on dates more often. It’s like GTA IV.”

“Yeah, haha,” Andre replied. He had never played GTA IV, but he was emboldened by Jennette’s peppy demeanor. “If you don’t have anything going on, we should meet up again tomorrow.”

“That would be great. I really want to show you my place.”

Andre’s heart nearly stopped. Her place? Did that mean…? Before he explored that thought any further, he stopped himself. “Yeah. Your place. I’ll text you.”

Andre rang the doorbell and immediately panicked. Should he have dressed up? Was shorts and a t-shirt fine? What was Jennette expecting? Would she be offended?

Those thoughts vanished when Jennette opened the door dressed just as casually as Andre was. “You’re here! Leave your shoes on the mat and I’ll be with you in a bit. I’m sure Woofmaster Flex will want to get to know you.”

Jennette disappeared to the bathroom. Andre spent a few minutes playing with her tiny, excited dog before she came out again. Now, her hair was done up in a fancy way, and she looked even hotter.

“Come on, let’s go upstairs. That’s where my bedroom is,” she said eagerly.

Andre followed her up the stairs, looking forward to the night of fun she had in store for him.

Jennette shook her head in the dim light of her bedroom. “No way. That thing is way too big. It’s not happening.”

“I’ve almost got it in,” Andre groaned, his words broken up by harsh pants. “Just a little bit more…”

“Ow! OWWW!” Jennette screeched.

Andre stopped pushing. “What’s wrong? Did it hurt?”

Jennette withdrew her fingers from the computer tower filled with half-assembled parts. “The blades on the heatsink are super sharp. I think I cut myself.”

“Well, I think it’s on there now, anyway,” Andre commented. “Why is the mounting bracket such a bitch?”

“The problem is I ordered a micro tower when I should have gotten a mid,” Jennette said, wrapping her finger in a tissue. “It’s my first time building a computer.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Andre said. He didn’t know the first thing about assembling computers. He kind of wished that they were doing something…sexier. But if she wanted to wait, he respected that.

Andre looked at his phone. He had a new text from Jennette. Wondering if it was a naked selfie or at least a sexy clothed selfie, he opened it. Far from either of those things, it was just a short message:

“Were thru. Ur 2 ugly 4 me. Soz.”

Putting his phone away, Andre sat sadly on his couch. Sure, he was ugly, but he was also rich. Maybe that didn’t matter to girls who were also rich.

Shrugging his shoulders, he turned on Nickelodeon. There were always more girls that he could pursue.

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