In today’s episode of “Google Autocomplete Adventures”, we examine what Google’s disturbing robotic hivemind AI thinks you want when you type in “Wilson Chandler”.
Result one: “Wilson Chandler”. This one makes sense, when you type in Chandler’s name, obviously you are going to want internet documents relaating to him. Why else would you be typing it, you dummy? God. Use your brain for once.
Result two: “Wilson Chandler fish”. Compared to the first one, this one makes no sense at first glance. Fish? Fish are cool, I guess, but I don’t immediately see what they have to do with Chandler. Does he have an ultra-cool fish as a pet? Is he allergic to them? Turns out, he caught a really big-ass fish while, uh, fishing. This thing was mondo as heck, but he didn’t even get to keep it, because hippies made him do that “catch and release” BS, which seems like kind of a waste. He beat this fish fair and square, and part of the rules is that the fish then dies and gets eaten because it lost so bad.
Result three: “Wilson Chandler stats”. Some people don’t have encyclopedic recall of every NBA player’s stats, and need to look them up sometimes. I know, weird. There must be more of them then I thought, because this comes up third.
Result four: “Wilson Chandler instagram”. I don’t know what Instagram is.
That concludes today’s episode of “Google Autocomplete Adventures”. Tune in next time when we explore the terrifying machinations of Google’s prescient technology using the phrase “Banana Boat”.