Kelly Olynyk 26 Points Full Highlights (1/13/2017)

Kelly, I know you’re reading this, and from one bro to another, you need to lop that ugly-ass beard right off your face. Just take a pair of kitchen shears and go to town. You can clean up the rest later. But that thing needs to go. Urgently.

I speak from experience, Kelly. I, wishing to add a sense of unearned maturity to my appearance, grew a horrible pube-like beard. I knew it looked bad, but I thought, if I stuck it out, eventually it would end up decent. Here’s a hint: it never did. It never got better. Some dudes just aren’t gifted by the gods to grow decent chin hair. Some dudes have to wait for years and years before it will work. In both cases, it is absolutely essential that they recognize their own limits.

The long hair can stay. That’s fine. You might want to commit to growing it out to upper-back length, but it’s fine. You can make that part of your aesthetic work, because it doesn’t look like someone glued a ball-fro to your chin, which your beard does. Sorry to be harsh, dude, but that’s the truth. That’s what bros do. They tell each other the hard truths that maybe they don’t want to hear.

You saw the thumbnail, and, admit it, it embarrassed you. You do not have to live with this shame, Kelly.

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