DownToBuck is a man who always searches for answers. Not just ANY answers. Answers that contain within them the very essence of truth. That is why, for the past week, I’ve been trying to answer the question: is Rakeem Christmas the same person as Dionte Christmas, or are they different people?
I started simply enough on Basketball-Reference. Their player database alleges that Rakeem is 25 years old and that Dionte is 30 years old. The same database also alleges different birthplaces for the two players. However, I remained unconvinced by these alleged allegations of so-called “truth”. Basketball-Reference has failed me in the past, and I had reason to suspect that they were failing me again, so I dug even deeper.
Using the power of Google Images, I looked at pictures of both men. On the surface their differences in appearance seemed to indicate that they were in fact two different people, but, upon closer inspection, I could tell that those differences were only superficial. Most notably, Rakeem was wearing platform shoes in every picture just so he would appear taller than the 6’5″ Dionte. Any other apparent differences in appearance could have easily been achieved by one talented with makeup. I felt like I was getting closer to some terrible secret.
I spent a large amount of my own personal money on a plane ticket to Philadephia, the place where Dionte was supposedly born. I was not surprised to learn that “Rakeem” was “born” in Irvington, New Jersey, just a short car ride away from Philadelphia. The evidence was piling up, but I needed more. After much sleuthing both online and in phone books, I located the address of “Dionte’s” parents, and, after telling them that I was writing an article about their son (only somewhat a lie), I picked their brains for hours about every detail of the birth and childhood of their son. Mr. and Mrs. Christmas quickly grew weary of my interrogation-like questioning style, but a few hundred-dollar bills kept them talking. They admitted to me that they found it difficult to keep track of all the teams he had played for over the years. It was odd to me that they had so little apparent interest in their son’s career: was it because they knew that if they were forced to give a timeline of his career, that the confused jumble of dates and identity changes would expose their lies?
Proceeding to the city of Irvington, I looked up and visited every “Christmas” in the entire city as well as surrounding communities, but none of them claimed to be the parents of a son named Rakeem. Strange.
After those meetings, I used my skills of stealth to infiltrate the hospital where Rakeem was allegedly born, in search of his birth certificate. Pretending to be a sick patient, I was left alone in an examination room, a very bad idea on the nurse’s part. Running through the corridors of the hospital, I looked for any room that might have official documents in it. Eventually, I ended up in an area off-limits to patients, and after investigating a few filing cabinets filled with nothing but mundane prescription data, I was apprehended by staff and escorted out.
To me, this was all the evidence I needed. The staff of the hospital KNEW that their records were falsified, and, to keep their heinous secret intact, they obstructed the one man who was fighting for the causes of truth and justice.
Rakeem Christmas has never existed except in name. Who we believed to be Rakeem Christmas was actually Dionte Christmas wearing an elaborate disguise and having taken on a complicated, but ultimately untenable, backstory. He has lived a double life, not only to increase his earnings in leagues across the world, but to double his chances of breaking into the NBA. This highlight video is a sham and a fake. We have been lied to.
But truth always prevails over lies, my friends. My work here is done.