Time zones always confuse me. I wanted to know what time it was in Australia right now but when I looked at the time zone map all that happened is I got pissed off about the international date line. I don’t even know where Australia is on a world map. It’s probably next to Austria but I don’t know where Austria is either. Is that the one that’s shaped like a boot?
So instead I just typed into Google “what time is it in Australia”, and Google informs me that it’s 9:30 at night for all my Australian friends. That means they’re still awake and still perfectly capable of watching Patty Mills highlight videos, except for old people who go to bed early. All other Australians have a moral obligation to watch this video of their countryman single-handedly burying the Grizzlies with three-pointers in the fourth quarter. Not only do they have a moral obligation, but they have a legal obligation as well, since the Australian constitution mandates that every Australian citizen watches at least one highlight video of an Australian-born NBA player per day.
That’s right. I might not know any geography and the concept of time zones might confuse and enrage me, but I am an expert in Australian law, so I can say this with certainty: any Australian who doesn’t watch this video is going to get arrested and put in jail. Forever.
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