I just can’t believe my luck sometimes.
So last week I got to go to this thing in New York City, it was called the “YouTube Sports Highlight Summit”. Basically they just invited a bunch of YouTube highlight people to go to a fancy hotel in NYC and listen to speakers who are experts in the field of highlight compilation. You know I’m always honing my craft so this was like a no-brainer for me.
The other thing about this trip was that I decided that DTB is officially back in the game. The girl game. You guys told me to get over Jennifer, well, I did. Let the record show that I do listen to my fans at least some of the time.
When I walk into the hotel the first day, the very first thing I see, and I mean, the very first thing, was this smoking hot 10/10 curvy chick standing at the concierge desk asking about something I don’t even know. She was wearing some kind of soccer jersey and yoga pants.
DownToBuck loves yoga pants, my friends. Just a little bit of exposition there.
So I’m thinking, what if this chick is actually a fellow highlight maker? So I walk up and I just say “here for the highlight summit?” in a real cool voice, like I don’t even care that she’s practically melting my eyeballs with her hot body.
She giggled and said “yeah” in some sort of accent. Once I heard those giggles I was, like, trying to remember if I packed condoms or if I would have to run out and buy some. After introducing myself as DownToBuck, NBA highlights master and furtherer of the scrub cause, I found out that her channel was called “BarcaToTheFuture” and that she did soccer highlights and that her real name was Bianca. I almost told her that her channel name should be “BarcaThatAssUp” but I didn’t.
I had no prior experience with Spanish ladies, which just made her more sexy and mysterious, and made the future events that transpired even more unfair.
Anyway, she was being super flirtatious, but DTB knows that chicks hate it if you act desperate, so I was playing it like I didn’t even care how hot she was and told her that I would probably see her around. By then the lobby was getting pretty full of greasy nerds carrying around their gigantic laptops and bragging about sub counts, but even when one of them cornered Bianca and started talking about video codecs, I knew I had it in the god damn bag.
So I thought.
The first session/workshop thing was about leveraging YouTube analytics. Bianca wasn’t there because there was a concurrent session about social media and since she’s a chick she was obviously at that one. It was all going smoothly and I was actually learning a lot, until the speaker said he had a special guest athlete who would help present some stats or whatever. I give you one guess. One god damn guess who it was.
That’s right. Kyle Korver. The guy who has stolen multiple girlfriends from me in the past.
When he walked out with his smug attractive face everybody was clapping politely, but I just sat there and scowled and straight up gave him the finger. I hate Kyle Korver. I hate him so much. The only thing that gave me any comfort was that Bianca wasn’t there to see him. Any chick that sees his handsome face is like immediately obsessed with him. I bet he hasn’t even used YouTube analytics. What an asshole.
Fast forward to the cocktail reception at the end of the first day. I was making some real headway with Bianca, I was complimenting her on her hair (chicks love compliments, words to the wise) and charming her with that good ol’ DTB charm. I even brought up her soccer highlight videos on my phone and praised her editing skills and her sense of pacing. Then I said “You should come up to my room and I can show you the software tools I use for my channel” and she got all giggly again. DTB was going to GET SOME that night. I could feel it. I could feel the sexy waves coming off my sexy Spanish goddess.
You’ll never guess who walked in right at that moment. Actually, you will, because this is just how unlucky my life is.
Bianca was like “who’s that” and I blanked out and lied and said it was Shaq. I don’t know. I tried to keep the convo going but she was all distracted and distant, and then she just walked away to talk to Kyle instead. She literally PUSHED two other less attractive girls (still 8/10 though) out of the way so she could get his attention. Meanwhile I’m standing there looking like a pathetic loser.
I’m not proud to admit it, but when Bianca latched onto Kyle’s arm and they walked away to her room, I didn’t even try to stop it. I just went and got some Taco Bell then went up to my room and stalked Bianca’s facebook profile. I didn’t even send her a friend request.
Kyle Korver stealing another girl from my grasp pretty much spoiled the entire highlight summit for me. Now I’m back home and I’ll never see Bianca again. But I’ll be reminded of her every time I have to make a highlight video for this dude.
I am so god damn tired of Kyle Korver ruining my life. DTB out.