This is part two of my video series displaying every player’s first converted field goal in the 2016-17 season. Part one was already getting towards some scrubby players by the end; part two continues that downward trend. If you like role-players, part two is pretty much the best part of them all.
Just as in part one, I have provided selected commentary below just in case you’re one of those nerds who would prefer reading words rather than watching the pretty moving pictures.
0:03 – It’s sort of sad that Joe Johnson is in part two.
0:27 – Usually Nurkic doesn’t look at the rim so that explains why this one went in.
0:30 – Everybody knows that I really, really hate Marcus Smart a lot so of course I’m not going to miss an opportunity to throw some shade on him. Let’s file this made three-pointer under the “unfairly getting the fan’s hopes up” category.
0:44 – Typical Belinelli shot selection on display here. Three dudes on you? Shoot a 20-footer.
1:26 – C’MON DEDMON WHAT ARE YOU DOING
1:31 – It’s sort of sad that Monta Ellis is in part two. Wait, no it’s not.
1:36 – Who’s Hernandez?
2:06 – Alcoholism is no joke, but I’m gonna joke about it anyway. Ty Lawson was probably drunk when he made this shot. See, wasn’t that funny? The whole “Ty Lawson is an alcoholic and it’s ruining his life” gag never gets old. Have fun in China bro.
2:14 – I don’t know where Rondae Hollis-Jefferson got the idea that he possesses “moves”. He’s probably the worst wing player in the NBA when it comes to making a shot out of nothing. Mad props to the Celtics bench for not being too obviously disgusted with the outcome of this play (although Marcus Smart couldn’t resist making a disbeliving hand gesture).
2:35 – This might be the only layup (“lame-up”) Wayne Ellington made all year.
2:44 – Sick push shot from thirteen feet out. Still better than Jahlil though.
3:22 – Portland fans booing the ever-loving heck out of Raymond “Fatty” Felton. Felton was so sad after the game that he ate ten cheeseburgers to make himself feel better.
3:26 – If you listen closely you can hear the sounds of DeMarre Carroll stealing money from the Raptors.
3:32 – This is the only play of the season where Jeff Green looks active and involved with the game going on around him. The rest of the 1500 minutes he played, he mostly just jogged from one end of the court to the other while thinking about what he would watch on Netflix that night.
4:00 – I thought Ian Clark was good until I saw him do this.
4:38 – Why is the camera so zoomed in? I’m getting nauseous.
4:57 – NOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THIS GUY! NOT THIS GUY!
5:02 – “Criticized for lack of consistency”. I don’t think Reggie Miller is talking about Shumpert here, but he totally could be.
5:07 – Trust it.
6:43 – This is the first and last time you will ever see Garrett Temple go straight into a pull-up 20-footer from a behind-the-back dribble. You may want to take a screenshot or series of screenshots to preserve this moment for posterity, because you witnessing this occurrence is surely the most exciting thing that is going to happen in your life in the next year or so.
7:15 – The commentator really nails this one. “Hamilton can shoot it”. True statement. “That’s a three”. True statement. “Justin Hamilton”. Redundant, but another true statement.
7:22 – And the award of “most predictable contribution to the video” goes to…
7:27 – Actually maybe the award should have gone to this guy.
8:00 – It’s sort of crazy that Timofey Mozgov and Luol Deng are right next to each other in this video. Crazy but also awesome, because anything that causes anguish for Laker fans is something that makes me happy.
8:05 – DTB’S OFFICIAL INCHES OFF THE GROUND MEASUREMENT: two.
8:30 – A fitting way to the end the video, Trey Lyles hits an improbable shot and then proceeds to be total human garbage for the rest of the season.
If you liked part two, you’ll LOVE part three, where the quality of players only gets worse and we start getting to some guys who you forgot existed, or, if you’re a real dirty casual, never knew existed in the first place.