BEN SIMMONS JUMPSHOT ALERT! BEN SIMMONS JUMPSHOT ALERT! BEN SIMMONS HAS MADE A JUMPSHOT!
ALERT ALERT ALERT
THIS IS NOT A TEST THIS IS NOT A DRILL
BEN SIMMONS JUMPSHOT ALERT
For your information, I actually rigged up the klaxon that I have next to my highlight station to go off whenever it detects a Ben Simmons jumpshot in the NBA’s play by play data. I don’t have to activate it manually anymore like I did for the first few games So I was just kind of sitting there, watching one of the -ilations that got taken down by Sony India and petting my cat Japurri Purrker, and this thing started going off like crazy. WEE-WOO WEE-WOO WEE-WOO. I also set it up so that it turns off all the lights in my highlight cave, so there was this earsplitting racket and a single red spinning light, and I knew that Ben Simmons had made a jumpshot.
Japurri didn’t really like it and ran out of the room as soon as it started going off, but he doesn’t understand how important it is for Simmons to have a jumper in his game. If he can start hitting midrange jimmies, he’s gonna be even more destructive going to the rim than he is currently.
If any of you guys want a “Ben Simmons Jumpshot Alert Klaxon” installed in your place, just hit me up. 200 dollars plus a 100 dollar installation fee. It stays on for 2 hours (the official length of a BEN SIMMONS JUMPSHOT ALERT) by default, but I can tweak that a bit of you really want. Then you don’t even have to watch 76ers games to know that Simmons is expanding his offensive arsenal.