Jonathon Simmons 20 Points Full Highlights (10/30/2017)

It’s been a while since I brought you an episode of “DTB’s Honesty Hour,” where I sit in front of my viewership and only tell true things while not telling any false things, but I figured now would be a good time to produce another episode since I’m in a truthful mood right now. Plus, with all the hullabaloo surrounding “fake news” these days, I thought it would be good to inject the collapsing journalistic system with a good hard dose of real true facts. Today’s subject: Jonathon Simmons. More specifically, my personal views on Jonathon Simmons.

Truth nuke coming your way: I thought Jonathon Simmons would arrive in Orlando and be totally disappointing. That’s what I honestly thought. I figured he was a system babby in San Antonio, where his defensive contributions and his limited offensive skillset were exactly what was required of him, and that when he was expected to do more in the offense, on a worse team, he would be exposed as maybe a below-average role-player.

That was wrong on two counts. Simmons is actually thriving in the additional responsibility he has on the Magic, and the Magic aren’t even bad this year (or they are and they’re fooling us right now with their 5-2 start). Remember, this is DTB’s Honesty Hour, where I only tell truths and no falsehoods, so you know I’m being honest here when I say that Jonathon Simmons has completely and utterly exceeded any and all expectations I had placed on him before the season started.

Here’s another nugget of truth for you to chew on: Cheesecake Factory is the most overpriced garbage restaurant in the universe. They use large portion sizes and a faux-fancy decor to deceive the undiscerning American public. I mean how fancy could a place really be if it’s located in a mall parking lot? That’s a fact, Jack.

Thus concludes this episode of DTB’s Honesty Hour. Stay tuned for next time, when I discuss how the playoffs shouldn’t even happen and we should just give the championship to the team who performs best on a list of ten advanced stat metrics.

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