I’m not really a big supporter of the whole “inundate addiction-prone kids with tons of candy and sugar” aspect of Halloween. I don’t usually have principles, but these are kids we’re talking about here. They don’t even know how bad those mass-produced pseudo-chocolate sugar bombs are for them. So it’s up to responsible adults to make things right.
I did my part this year. Instead of handing out candy, I handed out dollar bills. Now, before you think that I must be super loaded to do that, I’m not. It’s just that I know for a fact that my apartment complex doesn’t have a whole tons of trick-or-treating aged people in it. So I was only out like 30 or 40 bucks. How much does Halloween candy cost anyway? Must be close to that much. Anyway, all the costumed beggars I got at my door looked disappointed until they realized that they got whole dollars instead of just a dinky little piece of crap confection. And when they got home, they probably got even more excited.
Because these weren’t just any dollar bills. I folded them up, and inside I placed little bits of DTB wisdom. Kind of like a fortune cookie, you know? Little nuggets of basketball wisdom, distributed for free. Far more educative and edifying than any food item could ever be. It’s like food for the mind. Stuff like “Thon Maker would be good if he could jump or catch basketballs, but he can’t do either” and “Tobias Harris is Melo 0.7 and people are just starting to realize” and “Every fanbase thinks their team has a great bench until the season actually starts”. Just little things like that. There was a tidbit about D’Angelo Russell in one of them, I think I said something about how his eyebrows look like they belong on a white person.
I’d definitely consider tonight a success. I stuck it to Big Candy, which was the most important thing, but I also let a bunch of kiddos know about correct basketball opinions. Don’t want them blindly following the conventional narrative during their formative years.