It is still early in the winter season here in Minnesota, thus, I have seen only scant traces of cursed white sand which all residents of this godforsaken land insist on calling “snow”. Even so, the small amounts of the devil’s sand strike into my heart a great fear, and I am wracked with anxiety even when the sky is cloudless and the forecast is clear.
I have bought a house in Minneapolis. It is a pleasant and modest abode. However, I bought it during the summer months when Satan and his evil precipitation is absent from this place, so I made a misjudgement: there is no attached garage. The garage is separated from the house by a walk of fifteen feet. To get to my car, I must walk outside in the elements.
My previous apartment building had underground parking, so I could at least reach my vehicle during a so-called “snowstorm” (I have termed them “storms of Satan’s fury”) and not be harrassed by the cursed white sand. Now, I must wrap myself in layer upon layer of winter clothing just to access my car, and pray to God that none of the evil stuff so much as grazes my skin.
I am currently making plans to dig a tunnel from the basement of my new house into the garage. I told my neighbor about my plan during friendly conversation. He was amused by my fear of snow, but warned me that unauthorized construction projects are illegal here. I told him that it’s my dirt and I can dig a tunnel through it if I want. They can’t throw me in jail just for using a shovel. If anything, they should be the ones thrown in jail for apparently making a pact with the devil and cursing the entire land of Minnesota with a most insidious and deadly form of precipitation.
Construction of the tunnel will begin soon. I can only hope it is complete before Satan turns his evil hand to Minnesota in earnest, and the storm’s of Satan’s fury return with renewed vigor.