Jayson Tatum’s ROTY of the year chances are extremely slim this year, given the combined presences of Ben Simmons, Donovan Mitchell, and Kyle Kuzma. But it seems like a waste to have a player have such an efficient, impressive rookie season and come away from it without any sort of trophy or accolade. So I have invented a new end-of-season award that, admittedly, is tailor-made so that only Tatum really has a chance to win it: the RWSNITOOAVGTADSDTBOTY award.
I know some people reading this are just really dumb individuals who have limited ability to process acronyms, so I will spell this one out for their benefit: the “Rookie Who Slotted Neatly Into The Offense Of A Very Good Team And Didn’t Selfishly Demand The Ball Of The Year” Award. Catchy, short, and to the point, that’s how I roll.
No other rookie qualifies for this award, because they’re either on bad teams, or they use too much ball. Tatum is on a good team and he only uses the ball when Kyrie decides he’s done with it. I am so certain that Tatum will be the recipient of this award that I actually already had a trophy made for him with his name on it.
I can’t really afford one of those high-end trophy-making companies right now so the trophy is made out of old Pop-Tart boxes that I cut up with a scissors and then glued back together with toothpaste (I can’t really afford glue either). Shipping this thing might be a little challenging so if Jayson wants to have his trophy, he’s gonna have to come over to my place and get it. I promise not to abduct you, Jayson.