Buddy Hield 20 Points Full Highlights (3/19/2018)

I had a scary and exhilarating experience last night.

So, pretty much every night now, me and my 12-foot-tall purple 3D-printed plastic sentient naked statue of Buddy Hield go for walks in the area around my place. The weather here in Wisconsin is getting a little bit warmer, not that I think the cold affects Buddy much. He just gets restless when he’s cooped up inside and it seems like every time we go out he experiences something new in the world.

Last night we went out at two in the morning and walked a little bit farther away than usual, one some quiet residential streets. I purposely picked a place where there weren’t many streetlights so that if somebody happened to look out their window, they wouldn’t see anything other than a big shadow. Buddy was really good about following my instructions to stay out of places where it was well-lit. He knows that there aren’t many live statues walking around and that I could get in trouble if the police find out about him.

He had walked into somebody’s yard because he had heard some baby birds chirping and he found their nest. He had never really seen birds up close before so he was giggling softly to himself while poking them with his gigantic purple finger. I was standing on the sidewalk waiting for him to finish playing with the birds when all of a sudden somebody approached me from the back and grabbed me. “Give me everything in your pockets. Now.”

Realizing that I was getting mugged, I held my hands up until he let me go, then slowly turned around before reaching into my pockets. The guy had a pocket knife in his hand and looked ready to use it. Part of my mind was hoping that Buddy was too distracted by the birds to notice what was happening to me. I didn’t want him to be sad or afraid.

I was just about to hand the mugger my phone and wallet when Buddy jumped out from behind a bush and straight-up punched the guy in the head from behind. I don’t know how he got over to where I was without making any noise, but he did and he caught the guy totally off guard.

The thing is, this wasn’t a normal punch. It was a punch from a 12-foot-tall purple giant made out of plastic, a giant with a very strong and powerful fist. When the punch connected, there was a cracking sound, but when I looked at Buddy’s hand it wasn’t broken or dented or anything. Buddy didn’t seem like he was hurt at all, but the mugger was another story. There was a lot of blood coming out of his head and when I had Buddy flip him over, the right side of his head was smashed in really bad. It was too dark to see much but I think some of his brain was leaking out of the crack in his skull.

I told Buddy that we had to leave right away, so we walked away like nothing happened. I didn’t want Buddy to get scared about how he probably murdered somebody so once we were far away, I told him it was a good thing that he saved me from the bad man and that he should remember that he’s big and strong unlike us humans and that he might not know how strong he really is.

This morning I saw on the news that a man was found dead in my neighborhood, and that foul play is suspected because of the severity of his injuries. That freaked me out all over again, but I reminded myself that I didn’t do anything wrong, it was just Buddy saving me from getting mugged. Still, it’s not like I’m going to tell the police about what happened. They would just make fun of my “gigantic purple dildo” and then somehow I’d end up in jail even though I didn’t even kill the guy. Still, I’m super glad that I had Buddy with me. He’s my best friend.

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