In honor of Marco Belinelli’s 23-point game last night, his highest scoring total as a Sixer, I decided I would get some authentic Italian food for my breakfast. So I went down to the local OG (that’s street slang for Olive Garden) and guess what? They were frickin’ closed and they don’t open until eleven. Um, excuse me? I need authentic Italian food right now. How else will I pay the proper respect to Belinelli’s sick three-point shooting?
I sniffed the exterior walls of the restaurant and they smelled faintly like Italian food, but that wasn’t enough for me, so I went out back and checked the dumpsters. You won’t believe it, but they keep those locked too. I guess too many people figured out you can get real authentic Italian food for free as long as you don’t mind it coming out of the trash. So I logged on to my Yelp account and gave them a one-star review saying that they had retaliated against my complaints about the temperature of the soup by putting hundreds of dollars of fraudulent charges on my credit card. That didn’t really happen (the charges were from me buying Pokemon booster packs off Amazon) but on Yelp, everything you say automatically becomes true in the eyes of the internet.
I also peed in their bushes because I really had to go. Mama mia!
So, DTB didn’t ended up getting his OG for breakfast like intended, so right now I’m eating a fettuccine alfredo frozen dinner that I spiced up with some chocolate chips and some nutmeg (I don’t keep many ingredients in my kitchen). It’s not as authentic as the OG but at least I’m doing something to acknowledge Belinelli’s scoring prowess.