Josh Hart 21 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2018)

I still suck at Fortnite. My brain isn’t meant for killing. It’s meant for love, and highlights, in that order. But my desire to be better at things than other people (which is all-encompassing) leads me to keep playing. Usually I just run around and chop down trees until someone sees me, then I start running away until I’m dead from getting shot at too much. Sometimes I find a shack and hide in it until I get killed by the purple mist.

Since my gameplay isn’t getting better, I decided to win in another way: microtransactions. I don’t know what V-Bucks are or how they correspond to real money, but I know from my days playing Candy Crush that if you want to be good at video games, you have to pony up cash. Don’t call it “pay-to-win”. I’m earning a sense of pride and accomplishment, don’t debase my enjoyment with your little quip.

So I loaded up on V-Bucks (I tried using a program I downloaded from some Russian site that would give me free V-Bucks but it made my computer all wonky for some reason) and went nuts buying stuff. I think I kinda zoned out, cause when I snapped out of it my account was full of all this stuff that I don’t remember buying.

I think I bought the wrong kinds though. My intent was to buy some sweet guns so I could kill people better. Or other items, like armor. Instead I got a bunch of dance moves (????) and new clothing (what is this, a fashion simulator). And I’m still as crappy as before. Who do I have to talk to to get some better guns? If I’m paying real money, I want to be rewarded with real wins. It’s not complicated.

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