Mikal Bridges 14 Points Full Highlights (11/17/2018)

Mikal Bridges, with his 14/2/2/4/2 line, is the latest player to achieve the coveted “Scrub by Five”. Longtime DTB aficionados will know what a Scrub by Five is, but for new subscribers and those afflicted with chronic memory loss, allow me to explain: a Scrub by Five is like a Five by Five, but instead of getting five in each of the main statistical categories (points, rebounds, assists, steals, blocks), the player only has to get two of each. This makes it an attainable achievement for scrubs who don’t get enough on-court action to accumulate a lot of stats.

(Note: even though a Scrub by Five is notable, that doesn’t mean I have to show all the stats in question. That would be lame. Just in case you’re wondering where the steals, blocks, and assists are.)

There have been 62 Scrub by Fives this season, but Bridges is probably the scrubbiest player to get one, unless you think Noah Vonleh is scrubbier. I would send him his handmade trophy (I make one for Scrub by Five recipients who I deem scrubby enough) but I’ve decided to start charging for these things so I’m gonna have to wait for his payment first. If we’re being real here, it takes a lot of my time to chew up and spit out twenty Hot Pockets, then sculpt the blob of twenty half-chewed Hot Pockets into an image of the player’s face, then put it in my freezer to solidify. And we’re not even getting into shipping costs here. A one-time of payment of $10,000 for the Scrub by Five trophy is more than reasonable.

Also, aren’t three-pointers way more relaxing when there’s not some dude yelling about Fulton Homes and charities right after one gets made?

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