It’s been a while since I gave you guys an update on my “Flavors of Favors” line of cookbooks. After failing to sell any of the first edition (it was bound with twine – a real collector’s item if I do say so myself), I created a second edition with a higher production quality entitled “Flavors of Favors II: Welcome to FavorsTown”, but that one didn’t sell any copies either. I was trying to do online marketing for it but it turns out that the people who watch NBA highlight videos aren’t the same people who are in the market for a cookbook full of midwest comfort food. So I wasted a ton of money printing these things out only to have them gather dust in my apartment.
There’s even a picture of Derrick Favors on the front that I printed off Google. He didn’t technically give me permission to use his likeness but I only think he would sue me if I was actually making money on the venture, which I definitely am not. By the way, I’m lowering the price to two dollars plus shipping for anybody who wants one. Right now I just want those goddamn cookbooks out of my life.
I also filmed a pilot episode of my Flavors of Favors cooking show to sell to the Food Network, using a black guy I found on the street instead of Favors himself (he wasn’t responding to my tweets). That project is scrapped. Nobody watches cable TV anymore. What they watch is YouTube. I know that because I’m already an expert at doing YouTube. That’s why my next venture is a Flavors of Favors series on YouTube.
I still haven’t actually gotten the man himself to help me out with this, which is okay because I’m not sure he actually knows how to cook. Obviously I can’t be the one in the video cooking the food because I’m not black. I need a black guy who looks like Derrick who hopefully knows how to cook to star in this videos and I’ll give them 25% of the ad revenue which is sure to be in the millions per month. You don’t even have to be tall. I’ll use editing tricks to make it look like you’re 6’10” like they did in the Lord of the Rings movies to make the hobbits look short, except opposite. I can’t wait to start making money off this great new idea of mine.