Two of the highest-profile Jacksons in the NBA met head-to-head tonight. One was a Jackson Junior, but I still think he counts as a Jackson for my purposes. The question is, which Jackson came out ahead? DTB will factually analyze the factual facts, using truth and logic, and at the end of this glorious process, give his OFFICIAL FINAL VERDICT.
POINTS: Jaren Jackson had 26 points. Reggie Jackson had 19. 26 is more than 19 in every number system including base-10, which is the number system we use. ADVANTAGE: Jaren
OTHER STATS: Jaren had ten rebounds and two assists for a total of twelve other stats. Reggie had seven rebounds, five assists, a steal, and two blocks for a total of fifteen other stats. However, Jaren got a double-double. Reggie did not. Failing to attain a double-double has nullified all his stats. ADVANTAGE: Jaren
TEAM VICTORY STATUS: Jaren’s team, the Grizzlies, lost the game. Reggie’s team, the Pistons, won the game. However, every win the Pistons manage to stumble into just gets them further away from their true goal, which is to trade Blake Griffin and Andre Drummond away for picks and prospects, then tank their way to a number one pick. ADVANTAGE: Jaren
FREE THROWS: Jaren was eight of eight from the free-throw line. Reggie did not attempt a free throw. It might seem like Jaren wins this one, but I hate free throws so much that I’m giving the advantage to the guy who didn’t torment me by taking any of them. ADVANTAGE: Reggie
FANBASE OPINION: Every Grizzlies fan loves Jaren and believes fully that he represents the future of the franchise. Every Pistons fan hates Reggie because he is a mediocre point guard who thinks he’s a god. ADVANTAGE: Jaren
ABILITY TO EAT UNREASONABLE AMOUNTS OF PIZZA IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME: Neither Jaren nor Reggie has been tested in this category, or, if they have, I was never made aware of the results. However, Jaren is a significantly larger person than Reggie is, so he would likely be better-suited to just jamming piece after piece of cheesy, delicious pizza down his mouth without even stopping to breathe or think. ADVANTAGE: Jaren
OFFICIAL FINAL DTB VERDICT: After carefully dissecting all the pertinent facts, it has been conclusively concluded that Jaren Jackson was BETTER than Reggie Jackson tonight.