While I was struggling to come up with material for this description, I had a brainwave which I believe may change the face of basketball commentary…forever. I am literally trembling as I attempt to type words coherent enough to portray my vision.
We can call a Kyle Korver three-pointer a “Korveball”. I’ll stop there for a second to let myself cool down and for you to comprehend the immense ingenuity behind my newly-created term. Such comprehension might be beyond your puny mind but it can’t hurt to at least try to understand it.
Okay, I’m back and my typing accuracy has been restored as the tremors have mostly stopped. A “curveball” is a type of pitch in baseball, but I have cleverly combined it with the first syllable of Kyle Korver’s last name, “Korve”, to describe his patented brand of ultra-accurate three-point shooting. Now, it seems such an obvious synthesis that I’m surprised nobody else had come up with it before me. Then again, it takes a truly revolutionary genius such as myself to so creatively borrow terms from two different sports and merge them.
If the Utah Jazz commentators would like to use the term “Korveball” in their broadcasts, it will cost them $1,000 per use. That might seem steep but it’s actually a very reasonable price given how much money the team makes on tickets. I will stipulate, however, that every time Matt Harpring says it, he has to personally pay me ten extra dollars, because I hate Matt Harpring.