Trae Young 23 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (1/30/2019)

Repeatedly seeing the name “Trae” reminds me of the fact that, here in Wisconsin, there are no locations for the fast food chain “Cookout”, and thus, no opportunity to acquire what is known as a “Cookout Tray”. Allegedly one of the best deals in all of fast food, a Cookout Tray is an entree plus two sides and a drink for five bucks.

I just looked it up, and there are multiple Cookout locations in the Atlanta area. So, not only does watching the Hawks remind me of what I can’t have thanks to Trae Young’s first name, but it doubly reminds me of what I can’t have because people in Atlanta can get Cookout any time they want. This is completely unfair. As a young adult male whose competency in the kitchen extends to pushing the buttons on my (illegally overclocked and radiation-emitting) microwave, I demand 24-hour access to the finest fast food dining establishments that the American capitalist system has to offer.

If nobody’s gonna open a Cookout location up here in Wisconsin, the least they could do is pay me good money for this genius marketing tie-in: the “Trae Tray”, where you get two entrees and three sides and a drink for eight bucks if the Hawks hold their opponent under 100 points. Since this iteration of the Hawks has no hope of playing that much defense, the “Trae Tray” will take on mythical proportions. It will be a huge marketing success. And if they want to use this idea, all they have to do is pay me fifty thousand dollars.

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