Rondae Hollis-Jefferson 19 Points Full Highlights (3/28/2019)

Recently I was praying to my preferred deity/deities, thanking them for not making me have to do too many Rondae Hollis-Jefferson highlight videos this season. Last season was one of the worst trials of my life, as RHJ was having twenty-point games seemingly all the time, and I was getting tired of RHJ’s goofy midrange jumpers and flailing drives to the hoop that often resulted in shooting fouls. That’s why I beseeched God/the gods/the great oversoul to save me.

Up until last night, it seemed like my prayers were definitely being answered. Due to a combination of injuries and a smaller role on the team, RHJ has seen his PPG averages dip significantly this season. But I am confident that there was some divine intervention thrown in there somewhere to give your pal DTB a little break from the crushing tedium of never-ending RHJ highlight videos.

Now my whole personal belief system has been upended, because my prayers abruptly stopped having their desired effect, and I have to make an RHJ video even though I don’t really want to. I thought this was the point of having a deity look out for you. I thought this was the point of prayer. To be able to escape from the commitments that you’re not really committed to except by the wishes of other people.

This incident has shaken me so deeply that I am now taking applications for new deities who would like to be worshiped by me. If you are a deity, please leave a comment on this video with your preferred method of address so that I know my prayers are going to the right place when I pray them to you. If you do a good job of listening to me and subtly affecting the physical world (like by making RHJ’s teammates not pass him the ball), congratulations, you just got a new adherent!

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