As I mentioned in the Jared Dudley highlight video that was uploaded just before this one, I attended this Bucks/Nets game live. Overall, I would characterize my game-day experience as “good but flawed”, and when I say “flawed”, I don’t mean the outcome of the game was flawed. The Nets won and Caris LeVert kicked collective Buck heinie by creating a bunch of points out of thin air for both himself and his teammates. He played well and the Nets won because of it. I can’t get mad about that. That’s just how things are.
Here are some comments I have about the whole “attending real life NBA games in real life” thing:
-Serving real fried chicken (not just chicken strips) in the arena was a good choice. Everybody in my vicinity was jealous.
-Food prices are a bit steep, but drinks are an absolute racket to the point of being anti-consumer. I drank water out of the toilet after my fried chicken made me thirsty. Before you ask, yes, I did flush the toilet before drinking the water. I’m not stupid.
-Having the escalator to the upper deck take you right past the suite level is a new kind of cruelty. I saw right into the “rich people area” and you know what they had there? A buffet table packed with delicious looking food that you could just take. If they put that in the “proletariat area” it would be devoured in two seconds and at least eight fistfights would break out.
-I waited an hour to get my car out of the parking structure after the game. I couldn’t even play gem swapping games on my phone because my phone’s battery licks donkey taint. Next time I’m parking on the street twelve blocks away in the ghetto and hauling my ass to the arena and back. At least then I control my own destiny and am not at the whim of the evil traffic control people at the parking ramp’s single exit.
-They’ve honestly gotta institute some kind of NBA knowledge test to get into games, because the people I was sitting next to were rock-bottom morons when it came to knowing anything about either roster or any of the players on the court. It was so bad. That said, they were right to start moaning whenever D.J. Wilson got subbed in for Brook Lopez.
-The “Beer Me” button in the Bucks app, which makes it possible to get beer delivered straight to your seat, is an example of Wisconsin’s disgustingly lax attitude towards binge-drinking and public intoxication in general, but that didn’t stop me from spamming the button until I maxed out my credit card.
-If you’re in the upper deck and people on the court start throwing T-Shirts, just don’t even bother waving your arms for one. No cheerleader can throw a bundled-up T-Shirt that hard. Even the T-Shirt gun has a hard time getting the shirts up to the upper deck.
-This is more a commentary on public restrooms in general, but can we get better dividers between urinals please? I can’t do my business when I feel like everybody waiting for the bathroom is looking at me. Maybe this is some sort of public shaming technique utilized to prevent people from drinking the urinal water.
-If I’m going all out on the “Carlton Cam”, you’d better show me on the god damn Jumbotron. Damn it. I made a fool of myself for nothing. God damn nothing.
-All major food groups were represented in the concession choices except for Dippin’ Dots. It is my right as an American citizen to enjoy Dippin’ Dots at all professional sporting events. I have contacted Adam Silver about this.
-The woman at the guest services desk was super helpful. When my phone didn’t want to load basketball-reference for some reason she let me use her computer to look up Caris LeVert’s per-36 stats, and she listened politely when I told her that the Nets’ young guard core is the best in the Eastern conference. Then she told me to leave when I started trying to use her computer to make highlight videos. But before that she was cool.
-Halftime entertainment did entertain me, but playing floor-sized Connect 4 would be way more fun than floor-sized Tic-Tac-Toe as it is a more deeply strategic game (though still a guaranteed win for the player going first, given perfect play).
-I was disappointed in the lack of one-on-one interaction available with cheerleaders. I even printed off the cheerleader roster from the Bucks’ website and put a red heart around all the ones I wanted to talk to. They got a star next to their name if my goal was to hug them. When I showed an usher my printout he walked away really fast and started talking to somebody on his walkie-talkie.
-They gave away free hats but I didn’t take one because I don’t wear hats. Then when I saw everybody wearing theirs I got all jealous and angry. They should have just given me one without asking my permission.