Is this it for Dragan Bender in a Suns uniform? I haven’t heard any rumors one way or the other, so all involved parties must be keeping tight lips about the whole thing (or my insider sources in the Suns organization are screwing off and wooing cheerleaders instead of trying to dig up dirt on the players/coaches/executives/fans). When assessing the mood of the fanbase, it seems that some fans are ready to cut ties with the seven-foot Croatian disappointment, and some of them are willing to keep him around to see if he ever develops into anything more than a passive pile of passive passivity (who can sometimes shoot threes).
I have put together a list of possible landing spots for Bender in order to simplify my own comprehension of the whole situation.
-Phoenix Suns. This makes some sense because Bender has had a few (not a lot, but a few) good games in Phoenix. He also has theoretical value as a good pairing with Deandre Ayton. The downside is that any contract he gets from the Suns will be viewed by a cynical fanbase as doubling down on a draft bust who should have never been picked as high as he was.
-Orlando Magic. They love signing marginal PFs/Cs to big contracts because they have no idea what they’re doing at all and they only lucked into the playoffs because Vucevic beasted for half a season and the East sucks donkey dong. See: Jeff Green, Channing Frye, Bismack Biyombo, etc.
-Milwaukee Bucks. Uh, no. Pass.
-Atlanta Hawks. Trae Young is the big man whisperer. He makes every big man look good. Alex Len, John Collins, Dewayne Dedmon, Miles Plumlee, Isaac Humphries, Omari Spellman, Deyonta Davis, they all look like gods when they share the court with Young. Bender could also look like a god. A god with a pointy chin and too-small facial features.
-Utah Jazz. Bender totally looks like he could maybe be Mormon. He also seems passive enough where you could convert him to Mormonism relatively easily, depending on how much he cherishes his (presumably Catholic) upbringing in the Balkans.
-Golden State Warriors. They’ll need a Cousins replacement. Um. Bender can kind of shoot threes like Cousins. Also, he won’t steal touches from Curry like Cousins does. All of a sudden I’m a huge fan of this. I want this to happen. Make it happen. Curry two-time MVP and Bender MIP incoming.
-Wherever Thon Maker plays. Bender and Maker can be the twin towers of stretch-fives who suck.