Jaylen Brown 23 Points Full Highlights (4/19/2019)

I couldn’t believe it when Hubie Brown said that Jaylen Brown (his son) was the leading scorer for the Celtics in the playoffs last season. I know the Celtics had to make do with a bunch of role-player heroics during that time, but Brown? No way. So I looked it up, and I’m telling you, the stuff Hubie was saying was definitely FAKE NEWS. Brown wasn’t the total points leader in the ‘offs that year, coming in 27 behind Jayson Tayum. He also wasn’t the ppg leader, again, falling just short of Tatum. My faith in the accuracy of national NBA commentation has, somehow, gone even lower. If such a thing is possible.

I already have the Patreon, but maybe I should start a GoFundMe to raise money for my burgeoning NBA commentator career. I might not be the best public speaker, I might say “like” every other sentence and “um” every other word, but at least I would know who all the players were on the court and I’d get really excited when someone like R.J. Hunter (who really needs to be unleashed right now, he’s a 17 ppg scorer this year) would score a bucket. There is a lack of commentating talent rising through the ranks right now, with geriatrics like Brown and Marv Albert still doing these big games even though they’re like 100 years old. I think I can bypass the whole “start off with division VIII women’s field hockey games” thing and just go straight to the national TNT games. I promise not to swear, and I also promise not to call anyone a scrub except for the other commentator I’m working with. Name-calling and honest opinions can wait until the cameras are off.

In the meantime, I’ll recommend what I always recommend: don’t even listen to the commentary, and listen to music instead. Even the local dudes only occasionally have insight, and I figure I can afford to miss out on that insight in favor of listening to my favorite Baroque composers (which doesn’t include Telemann by the way, SCREW off you kraut loser).

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