Pat Connaughton: the most Celtics-type player ever? Let’s take a look at the facts: but first: I want to use some more colons: okay: I’m done with the colons:
Fact one: he is literally a leprechaun. Literally. If I had to think of a name for a hypothetical leprechaun, “Patrick O’Connaughton” would be like the first thing I’d think of.
Fact two: I think he grew up in the Boston area.
Fact three: white.
Fact four: He plays with grit and hustle. See: white.
Fact five: colons are seriously the most underrated punctuation mark: you can use them for basically anything:
Those are the facts. I have no idea why the Celtics didn’t pick him up this offseason because he is the most Celtics-type player ever. That’s fine by me, because now the Bucks have him and he’s on a SUPER cheap contract and he’s actually good. Sometimes he chucks too many deep threes for how good he is at shooting them (which is not very), but I swear he gets at least a few rebounds per game that he has no business getting.
And yes, I did see his awful opening pitch at the Brewers game. He almost killed someone with the way that thing got away from him, and it was an embarrassing showing from a guy who was drafted as a pitcher by the Orioles (apparently an MLB team????). I wanted to show the clip, but then I decided that those MLB copyright enforcers might not be as lenient as the NBA ones.