Ben Simmons All 17 Jumpers Full Highlights (2018-19 Season Jumperilation)

Heading into the 2019-20 NBA season (which is really coming up super fast oh my god where did the offseason go help I have so many more -ilations to upload), there is a lot of speculation on the state of Ben Simmons’ jumper. There is mystery. There is intrigue. There are articles featuring many dozens of words penned by people whose job it is to write about the NBA even when the NBA isn’t really going on. There are optimistic fans on social media. There are mocking fans on social media. There are offseason videos of randos at the gym getting schooled. There are offseason workout hype videos.

(Side note: never believe the offseason workout hype videos. EVER. Just don’t. I learned my lesson with Johnny O’Bryant III, and I learned it hard (I still have that jersey floating around somewhere, and I still call him “Irish Kobe”). Relatedly, don’t believe any videos that don’t depict the player doing things in regular-season or playoff NBA action. Coincidentally, those are the only type of videos my channel shows. There’s a reason for that.)

But there should be neither mystery nor intrigue with regards to the state of Simmons’ jumper as of last season. That season already happened, every second of it recorded for later analysis (with roughly 300000 of those seconds catalogued by yours truly). The occurrences of said season are a matter of rock-solid fact, not wishy-washy opinion. What’s done is done. No amount of speculation will change that.

So what we have here is a semi-complete (“semi” because I’m not showing you his innumerable bricks; this is a highlight channel, not a lowlight channel) record of Simmons and his jumper for the 2018-19 season. One caveat: when I say that occurrences are not a matter of “wishy-washy opinion”, they actually kind of are, because I had to use my opinion of what a jumpshot is to compile this video. As much as I wish it wasn’t the case, some people have different ideas about the nature of a jumpshot. Basketball-reference will have you believe that Simmons made 39 jumpers last season, a far cry from the 17 I show here. They are relaying the information given to them by the NBA, information recorded by scorekeepers. Those scorekeepers must regularly be high as kites while trying to record the stats, because here’s the deal:

-Floaters are not jumpshots
-Layups are not jumpshots
-Jump hooks are not jumpshots

The criterion I used for this video is simple: if Simmons kind of kept his guide hand in the vicinity of the ball, it was a jumpshot. If he didn’t, it didn’t get to be in this video. Simple as that. You will find, while viewing this compilation, that every shot contained herein is indubitably a jumpshot. If you disagree with my singular criterion, tell me: is the fact that Simmons can make floaters/layups/jump hooks a relevant piece of information when considering his future potential as a jumpshooter? Also tell me: where do I apply to become an NBA statkeeper and ensure that no floater/layup/jump hook is ever miscategorized again? And do the statkeepers get free arena concessions?

Another thing you will find, while viewing this compilation, is that the phrase “catch-and-shoot” does not seem to be in Simmons’ vocabulary. Neither does “stand-still jumper”. Almost every single one of these is a turnaround. The closest thing to a normal jumpshot occurs at 1:21, and even then, he’s still fading a bit. In my inexpert view, this doesn’t bode well for him as a jumpshooter this season. But we’ll see. Feel free to come to your own conclusions, and do so with the confidence that you are now uniquely informed on exactly what Simmons has shown us in terms of NBA game-action jumpshots.

Remember: this is not a joke video. This is not an ironic video. This is not a “meme” video. This is an important, informative video for scholars to enrich themselves with. I will not tolerate comments poking fun at Bum Scrubbins’ borked-to-heck wackadoodle abomination of a “jumper”. Neither will I tolerate comments calling Simmons by the cruel nickname of “Bum Scrubbins”. Only I get to use that nickname. Because he is a bum. And a scrub. A scrubbum with jumpshot mechanics that would make Mark Price roll in his grave, if he had a grave to roll in.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *