Luke Kennard All 106 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2018-19 Season Three-ilation)

We all know what happened to the Pistons in the playoffs last year. If you need a refresher, the abridged version is this: they got swept by the Bucks as the 8th seed because they literally had no way to stop Giannis Antetokounmpo from using his pointy elbows to get straight to the rim.

There were other problems, but that was the main issue. The secondary main issue was that they didn’t run the offense through Luke Kennard enough. “Buh… buh… buhbuhBUT DEE TEE BEE!” you exclaim as the carefully balanced bowl of instant ramen tumbles off of your unclad beer gut. “Running the offense through a marginal offensive talent like Luke Kennard would only lead to a more thorough sweep than the one that actually was administered!”

Silence, simpleton. Kennard was, basically, the only person who could be counted on during that series. “Marginal” he most definitely was not. Reggie Jackson scored more points, sure, but since when can you rely on that guy for anything? Since never. Blake Griffin was too busy being injured, and Drummond was too busy being dominated by Brook Lopez and looking the mopiest I’ve ever seen him. The Pistons didn’t have much to work with, so they should’ve gone to their one proven scoring option. Despite coach Dwayne Casey’s season-long hatred of him continuing into the playoffs, Kennard managed to be second on the team in total scoring, and played the most minutes. When a guy like that steps up bigtime in the ‘offs, that’s usually a cue to ride him as hard as you can. He wouldn’t be able to stop Giannis, but 30 ppg in the series didn’t seem unreasonable.

But that’s all in the past now. There is no changing how that series turned out, unless you want to pay a hefty sum (preferably through Patreon) for the use of my time machine as well as sign several pages of legally-binding documents promising that you won’t mess up the timeline other than by making the sweep less embarrassing. You severely (or slightly) alter the course of history, and I’m getting in my backup time machine (the one with a slightly miscalibrated chronometer and generally shoddy construction), going back to when you were born, and aborting your sorry butt right into the nearest trash can. You think I’m joking? I’m dead serious. As dead serious as you will be dead.

Okay, anyway, for all intents and purposes, that’s all in the past now. The Pistons’ concerns are now with the present, and lucky for them, I have a foolproof multi-point plan to propel them back into semi-contention. Not full contention, because to be honest they’ve had enough success in this millennium and I want the Bucks to win a couple championships, but these actions will guarantee a second-round playoff appearance. If not an ECF appearance, so they can get swept by Giannis’ elbows again.

-Run the offense through Kennard. This is the main one, the big enchilada. You can basically ignore the rest of these points because this one alone should do just fine. Let him do what he wants, similar to how Griffin got to do whatever he wanted last season. He’s got the shooting (just check this vid if you want proof), he’s got the handles, he’s got the passing, and my sources tell me that he spent some spare VC to upgrade his dunk package from “rimgrazer” to “rimgrabber”. This is his time.
-Trade Thon Maker. “Playoff Thon” doesn’t exist, but “Regular Season Thon” REALLY doesn’t exist, and never will.
-Free dunks can be had if you plant Blake Griffin in the “dunker spot” and have Kennard pass him the ball while there. Have Griffin go back to his roots as a dunker and forget about him doing all that other stuff.
-Free dunks can also be had if you bribe the scorekeepers into counting the dunks performed by dudes with trampolines during game breaks as dunks made by Kennard.
-Speaking of dunks, don’t let Drummond dunk it, or even touch the ball. He might get a little mopey. That’s fine. He’s always mopey.
-Install a modern, motion based offense in the style of the Warriors, with Kennard filling the “Stephen Curry” role, Kennard filling the “Draymond Green” role, and Kennard filling the “Kevon Looney” role.
-Try harder to promote “Detroit style” pizza. I’ve ripped on Detroit a bunch in the past, but man, they know how to make some great pizza. All of America knows about Chicago style (revolting cheese casserole cylinders) and New York style (tasteless floppy triangles), but Detroit style (crispy delicious quadrangles) could be bigger than both.
-Keep in mind that while other teams might be more talented than you, in the end, they’re comprised only of basketball players, the same stuff your team is comprised off. Note: this does not apply to Thon Maker.
-100-ish threes for Kennard is pathetic. We’re gonna need to, like, quadruple that at least. This falls under point one, but I don’t want to see such a meager Kennard three-ilation on my channel ever again.

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