Jake “Justin Timberjake” Layman needs to somehow force his teammates to cater to his preferred playstyle. What is that preferred playstyle, you tremblingly ask while cowering before the intellectual might and intimidating good looks of Highlight God DownToBuck? Backdoor cuts. Backdoor cuts for days. Backdoor cuts for nights.
Last year, my Jake Layman dunkilation was pretty much a backdoor cut-ilation. He would sneak behind the defense and the Blazers guards would either lob it up to him or hit him in stride for easy dunks. Many such plays weren’t in the dunkilaton because Layman finished with the layup instead of the dunk. I don’t want to speculate wildly on the amount of backdoor plays that Layman converted last season, but it’s gotta be in the realm of 10,000. Maybe even 11,000.
Now, to be fair, I don’t watch every Timberwolves game, so I can’t say for sure how they’re playing. But, given the alarming lack of backdoor cuttage in this video, it’s safe to assume that they’re not playing the way that Layman wants and needs them to play. I don’t know how easy it will be to convince Jeff Teague to change anything about his game (he’s played the same way for his entire career), but the threat of suspension can always provide that little extra boost of motivation.
The only problem is, if I tweet at Teague that he’s gonna be suspended if he doesn’t find Layman on backdoor cuts at least ten times a game, that won’t have much gravity because I don’t actually have the ability to suspend anybody. The only solution here is to make me the coach of the Timberwolves and I’ll make sure that Layman’s talents are maximized.