Jarrett Allen 17 Points Full Highlights (11/14/2019)

Does anybody out there know how to start a petition? Like, a real petition? Not those fake change.org petitions. Everybody knows those are pointless. Those are just there for virtue signallers on the internet to signal their virtues without actually doing anything, not even scribbling their real-life signature with a real-life pen on a real-life piece of paper. A paper petition is what I’m looking to start and I don’t know where to begin.

What’s the petition for, you ask? A petition to just kick Cryrie Virgin and Kevina Durcupcake off the team and bring back all the role-players (plus D’Angelo Russell) that made last year’s Nets such a fun team to watch. The whole funness of the team is gone and I want it back. I even want DeMarre Carroll back. That’s how you know this is serious. If I actually am advocating for Carroll to be on an NBA team and not somewhere in China or Australia, you know that I’m serious as heck about this petition.

Once this petition gets started, I’ll start going door-to-door for signatures. I’ll send copies of the petition to DTB acolytes around the world and they can also start collecting signatures. If anybody out there is actually based in the New York City area, I’ll send you a whole stack of petitions. I’m sure the people of Brooklyn want their scrappy, exciting team back. Then, once millions of signatures are collected, I’ll present them to Adam Silver so he can start undoing trades and voiding contracts. This is totally going to work as long as somebody tells me what you actually need to do to start a real petition.

Addendum to the petition: a call for every Jarrett Allen poster dunk to herefore be termed an “Allen Wrench”.

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