Moritz Wagner Career High 30 Points Full Highlights (11/15/2019)

I sit, surrounded by monitors displaying graphs and numbers incomprehensible to all but the most highly trained. Japurri Purrker, my dear little kitty, sits on my lap and purrs as I perform my task of utmost importance. He wants scritches, but scritchies are not forthcoming. Not while I have work to do.

It is here that I monitor the internet traffic of the world. A monumental task, to be sure. The National Security Adminstration does something similar, though their techniques are crude and imprecise compared to my nest of advanced technology. I will not sure any more details of the nature of my operation; federal agents are no doubt curious about the identity of the man who owns the hub where all worldwide internet traffic gets routed through. I have evaded detection so far, thanks to my ironclad opsec, and I do not want to jeopardize my carefully-gotten position by being too glib on the internet. I have already said too much.

Why am I doing this, you ask? It’s simple; I am aiming to prevent Lakers fans from watching this video of Moritz Wagner terrorizing the Timberwolves to the tune of 30 points and 15 rebounds, or any other Moritz Wagner highlight video I upload. By my decree, they are not allowed to watch these videos. They didn’t show Wagner the proper respect while he was in Los Angeles, treating him as a “meme” player instead of the solid young prospect that he is. Thus, they are not permitted to follow his progress with the ‘Zards.

My firewalls are hard at work rerouting all Laker fan traffic attempting to access this video to videos on my channel that may be more to their liking; stuff like Troy Daniels and JaVale McGee. They are allowed to watch videos of those players, for now. As part of my obligation to review all Laker fan traffic, I see things that maybe I don’t want to see. And I want to say, not like they can read this, because they can’t access this description, but I’ll say it anyway: you guys are a bunch of SERIOUSLY depraved pervs. Porn porn porn. Nothing but porn.

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