Robert “Processed Cheese” Covington is secretly the glue guy that keeps the Timberwolves functioning. At least, he seems like he would be that guy. I don’t know enough about the intricacies of the Timberwolves roster to say that for sure. But he’s the guy who provides defense (DownToBuck doesn’t care about defense), steady shooting (not of the “chucking” variety), and an object lesson in the dangers of skipping leg day (just look at those little spindles that he has trying to support his entire upper body).
Now you might be wondering in that somewhat slow brain of yours what the nickname “Processed Cheese” has to do with anything? Another one of DTB’s inscrutable nickname creations, surely, its meaning and origin unknowable to all but the most erudite NBA scholars. DownToBuck once again showing his disconnect with the common fan by making references that go five layers deep without once coming close to the surface of normal human understanding.
I will explain it to you. “Processed Cheese” is two nicknames in one. The first part, “Processed”, means that Robert Covington went through “The Process” in Philadelphia and came out of it intact. Most “process” players are out of the league, but Covington was one of Hinkie’s great successes. The second part, “Cheese”, refers to how Covington can hit some tough threes with consistency, something that is referred to in the video gaming community as “cheese”. Covington sometimes has the cheese, and sometimes he doesn’t have the cheese, but he has the cheese often enough that we can incorporate “cheese” into his nickname.
See, that wasn’t so inscrutable, was it? Only a minimum amount of thinking would have been required to come to the interpretations that I just spelled out for you.