I am constantly in a state of bewilderment that Myles Turner is not a better NBA player. I am not exaggerating. Constantly. These thoughts follow me around everywhere I go, as much as I wish they wouldn’t.
Like today, I was at the grocery store, you know, just doing my normal shopping (I find it laughable that a YouTube celebrity of my caliber should have to do their own shopping, as if they were a common peasant, but whatever). And I was looking at the fancy cat foods, because the ones I’ve been getting for Japurri Purrker (my little tubby kitty) haven’t been agreeing with him very much. And then, out of nowhere, an intrusive thought: “how the heck is a highly mobile, highly athletic young big with a smooth jumper not a 20ppg scorer and possible All-Star candidate?”. I almost dropped the can of salmon filet with gravy that I was holding, and then I got to thinking about the question my own mind had posed of me. Suddenly, I felt a tapping on my shoulder. It was a confused-looking shelf-stocker, who told me I had been standing there holding a can of cat food and staring blankly at it for over 20 minutes. I muttered something like “just considering my options”, put it back on the shelf, and got out of there as fast as I could.
Now I can never go back to that store, after that embarrassment. And it’s all Turner’s fault, for not being better. Why isn’t he better? Is it because Domantas Sabonis is holding him down? Is Nate McMillan’s system not conducive to his success? Oh god, I’m thinking about it again. It never ends, it never ends.
It never ends.