Furkan “Klaykmaz” Korkmaz is breaking out right in front of our eyes. Elton Brand and the Sixers front office were obsessed with acquiring more shooters at the trade deadline, but maybe their obsession wouldn’t have been so obsessive if they had realized exactly what they had with Korkmaz: a lights-out shooter who can give you thirty points or more on a regular basis. And not only is Korkmaz turning into an uninjured version of Klay Thompson (hence the “Klaykmaz” moniker), but he’s a version of Klay Thompson that has the backing of an entire foreign nation behind him.
You know how the Rockets became the team du jour of NBA fans in China? That ended up not working out so well in the end, but Philadelphia can learn from their mistakes and become the preferred team of all NBA fans in Turkey if they play their cards right. They can start off by acquiring, at the very least, Ersan Ilyasova and Cedi Osman from the Bucks and Cavs respectively.
You might be thinking right now, “But D-D-D-DEE TEE BEE!!!! The trade deadline has passed! The only way the Sixers could acquire those players is if they were cut by their teams!” Wow. How dumb do you think I am? I know all about the trade deadline. I also know that Adam Silver would be happy to extend the trade deadline if it meant forming a Turkish superteam in Philly whose existence would unlock a whole new market that the NBA could capitalistically exploit for monetary gain. Adam Silver also has the ability to force teams to make trades that are deemed to be beneficial to the league. Hence, Ilyasova/Bolden and Osman/Neto swaps will be announced shortly.
This new superteam, with Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid only playing small complementary roles, will be known as the “Turkish Philly Superteam”, or “TPS”. I might have to consider renaming my channel to “The TPS Report”.