PJ Hairston 15 Points Full Highlights (11/29/2014)

“What is wrong with the Charlotte Hornets?” is the common refrain of the nowadays NBA fan, their minds clouded by the ever-looming menace of Michael Jordan. The answer is that this whole thing could have been expected. I think the name and image change earned so much good will (as well it should have, those…

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Amir Johnson 20 Points/2 Threes Full Highlights

Did anybody else get triggered by the Raptor’s throwback jerseys? The last time I saw purple and pinstripes in the same place, I was dreaming that I was being chased by a T-Rex/Vince Carter hybrid through a dense jungle made out of basketball hoops. Seeing Amir Johnson hit three-pointers while wearing it made me have…

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Wes Johnson 19 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (11/28/2014)

Wes Johnson needs to be more assertive. He gets thirty minutes a contest but can’t even average 10 PPG, even though his only talent coming out of college was scoring. Kobe Bean taking all the shots is hindering Wes just like it’s hindering everybody else, but if Wayne Ellington is scoring almost as much as…

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Amar’e Stoudemire 20 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2014)

Amar’e stared disbelievingly at the two flesh-colored floating shapes before him. He cleared his eyes, but the ethereal balls of light remained. When they began to speak to him, he pinched himself to wake himself up from his dream, but found that he was not dreaming. “Hello, Amar’e. We’ve missed you,” said a voice that…

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Rodney Stuckey 24 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2014)

I’m sure that when Rodney escaped the cursed realms of the Detroit Pistons, he thought that he was exiting a bad situation for a good one. Then, Paul George’s knee spontaneously detonated, and, just like that, the Pacers sucked too! Rodney is just one unlucky guy. He is so unlucky, in fact, that I have…

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Jeff Teague 26 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (11/28/2014)

I don’t make Jeff Teague highlights as often as I probably should. The reason for this is threefold: -Doing point guards is lame because you have to get all their assists -Jeff Teague always scores too many points -I don’t even really like Jeff Teague anyway -(bonus fourth reason) he shoots too many layups, which…

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Marreese Speights 27 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2014)

The world has run out of adjectives to describe Marreese Speights’ performance this year. What was once assumed to be a practically limitless resource has been overconsumed so badly that the only words I have left to use are “sopping”, “rubicund”, and “alternative-lifestyle-friendly”. I don’t know about you, but if I were a dude who…

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TJ Warren 11 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2014)

Attention Suns announcers: you are not allowed to call TJ Warren a “scoring machine” until he scores at least 20 points in an NBA game. Yeah, I know he was a dynamite scorer in college. That’s great. But scoring in the NBA is most decidedly not the same as scoring in the NCAA. The talent…

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Nikola Mirotic 13 Points/5 Blocks Full Highlights (11/28/2014)

Wow, uh, five blocks for Nikola Mirotic? Was that what Bulls fans thought they were getting when he came over from Spain? Elite shot blocking capabilities? Because that’s what they’re getting. Sign him up for the “dudes who will get a 5×5” waiting list, right behind Giannis and James Johnson. It’s only a matter of…

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Ryan Hollins 15 Points? Full Highlights (11/28/2014)

Time for a thought exercise! Close your eyes and imagine JaVale McGee of the Denver Nuggets. If you are having troubles visualizing this, watch some highlights/lowlights on YouTube to aid in the conjuring. Also if you could stop thinking about tits for even a minute that would be great. Okay! We’ve got JaVale firmly in…

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