Andrew Bynum 15 Points Full Highlights (3/15/2014)

“Yo, when you said you were takin’ us to a new hot nightlife joint, I wasn’t expectin’ this.” Paul George looked gloomily out the window as Andrew Bynum’s fancy car pulled into the parking lot of the decidedly dilapidated-looking “Indy-Bowl”. “Shut up, I’m gonna show you guys the meaning of a good time tonight. Andrew…

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Tobias Harris 21 Points Full Highlights (3/14/2014)

The NBA just loves messing with my schedule. So I want to do Tobias Harris highlights. Of course. He’s the best. He’s the beast. I gotta do highlights. So I go to NBA.com to get to the play-by-play and what do I see? The Bucks playing at 11:00! I look at my clock. 11:03! So…

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Robin Lopez 19 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (3/14/2014)

I have been introduced to a new nickname for Robin Lopez. I thought about withholding it from you guys, but then I figured, hey, I’m a generous guy, and I shouldn’t bogart the funny nicknames. Here it is: Fropez. Get it? Because his name is Lopez? And he has an afro? I’m also betting that…

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Draymond Green Career High 18 Points Full Highlights (3/14/2014)

My rap career is proceeding apace. I just wrote this gem for Draymond Green (original content do not steal): “Chillin’, just a rookie in the league Shooting twenty percent from trey If you like to look at men’s dongs It’s an indication that you’re gay Working hard to up his game PER no longer at…

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Matt Bonner 13 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (3/14/2014)

It baffles me how you’re allowed to say “Red Rocket” on TV. I know it’s Matt Bonner’s nickname, but it is also a reference to the male organ. Is the joke that Bonner has a really big one? Or a small one? Or an especially red one? Or just that it’s funny to have a…

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Darrell Arthur 18 Points/1 Dunk Full Highlights (3/14/2014)

What kind of uploader would I be if I uploaded Darrell Arthur highlights but failed to include partial lyrics to the theme song for the kid’s cartoon “Arthur”? A bad kind of uploader, that’s what I’d be. I’d probably lose subscribers. So here they are (dope reggae beat not included): “Everyday when you’re walking down…

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Ray Allen 22 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (3/14/2014)

Prior to tonight’s game, Ray Allen was shooting almost exactly 40% from three on his career. Just a sliver over. If he had made 1/5 of a three less and it would be perfect. And with the volume of those shots that he’s taken over his career, that kind of efficiency is pretty amazing. Stephen…

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Jonas Valanciunas 23 Points Full Highlights (3/14/2014)

There’s something different about these Jonas Valanciunas highlights. Something he doesn’t normally do. Can you figure out? It’s not very obvious until it gets pointed out. But here it is: instead of pumpfaking a million times when he got the ball in the midrange and only after that taking the shot or driving, Jonas for…

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Ersan Ilyasova 22 Points Full Highlights (3/13/2014)

I entered the gymnasium with confidence, trying to appear as if I belonged there. The hustle and bustle of Bucks Media Day was the perfect cover for my devious plot. “Excuse me, Mr. Ilyasova, could I speak to you a moment?” I asked, grabbing Ersan’s arm. “It will really only take a second.” Ersan glanced…

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Kent Bazemore 16 Points Full Highlights (3/13/2014)

Kent Bazemore’s true colors are showing. He doesn’t want to be a defensive specialist off the bench. He wants to be an offensive centerpiece, the kind of guy who takes tons of shots. Who can blame him? When I play basketball I want to score. I don’t want to try and stop the other guy….

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