Miroslav Raduljica Career High 14 Points Full Highlights (12/21/2013)

Back by popular demand! It’s…the MIROSLAVā„¢ Personal Basketball Player. Some of its features: -Dunks, slams, and jams! (alley-oops not included) -Runs up and down the court until it gets tired -Special TURNOVER-PRONEā„¢ technology for when you would rather not keep possession of the ball -Comes with three interchangeable jerseys: home, away, and alternate -Stephen King…

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Jamal Crawford 27 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (12/21/2013)

When I meet a prospective friend for the first time, I need to have a quick way to determine if they are worthy of my friendship. After experimenting with different topics, I found the perfect question to weed out the unworthy. “Would you consider Jamal Crawford to be, on the whole, a good NBA player?”…

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Matthew Dellavedova 10 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (12/21/2013)

Matthew “Wacky Delly” Dellavedova hasn’t really shown much so far this year. That’s to be expected of course; he’s Australian, and it takes those thusly afflicted a while to grasp the nuances of NBA basketball and how to dribble. Considering his disadvantages, it’s really amazing that he can do anything at all. He even “blocked”…

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Omri Casspi 13 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (12/21/2013)

OFFICIAL ISRAELI NBA PLAYERS POWER RANKINGS: 1. Omri Casspi 2. Gal Mekel 3. Amar’e Stoudemire Looking back at all of my power rankings, I think this might be the first one that could be considered “accurate”. There is no joke here. I’m not trying to be funny. Omri Casspi is objectively better than Gel Mekel….

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Luigi Datome 9 Points Full Highlights (12/21/2013)

Everyone makes a big deal about ugly players in the NBA. Anthony Davis is continually mocked. Sam Cassell’s biggest legacy is his alien-esque facial features. DJ Mbenga looks like a pile of mashed potatoes. So it’s surprising that no one has mentioned Gigi Datome. I mean, look at his face. His eyes are way too…

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Tobias Harris 21 Points Full Highlights (12/21/2013)

YouTube wants me to tag this video with “Iron Maiden”, presumably because one of their founding members is bassist Steve Harris. If I had known about YouTube’s suggestion sooner I would have set this video to their rollicking hit “Aces High”. Just kidding. I would never submit my viewership to music they may not want…

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John Henson 18 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (12/20/2013)

The evil Dr. Exosphere rubbed his hands together eagerly. “Yes, yes…my creation is almost ready to be unveiled!” Inside the giant test tube, a humanlike form floated in a pseudo-placental fluid. “Just one more dose of the growth hormone, and he will be ready to take the court! Basketball domination will soon be in my…

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Jose Calderon 23 Points/7 Threes/9 Assists Full Highlights (12/20/2013)

“Hey Jose, put on this sombrero!” Jose Calderon tried to decline the Mexican-styled hat. “No, no, Dirk, sombreros are not really part of my culture.” But the wide-brimmed article was placed on his head anyway. “Yeah! Wooooo!” Monta Ellis shouted, holding up a hard-shell taco in one hand and a cup of Baja Blast in…

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Brandon Jennings 26 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (12/20/2013)

Brandon “Swaggy B” Jennings is pretty much the second coming of Baron Davis. Both can put up gaudy scoring numbers while shooting poorly from the field, and both can get some nice assist totals when they feel like it. Of course, I’m talking about prime Baron Davis; today’s Baron Davis is a donut-laden, flannel-shirt wearing…

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Jonas Valanciunas 18 Points Full Highlights (12/20/2013)

It was a hard practice. Jonas Valanciunas was feeling the effects of the last set of sprints. Practicing some post moves against Amir Johnson, he became more and more lethargic, until he collapsed on the hardwood, clutching his chest. The assistant coaches ran over to where Jonas lay, writhing. “Jonas, what’s wrong?” “I…can’t…breathe! I feel…like…

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