Shabazz Muhammad Career High 30 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (12/30/2014)

From the dumpster fire that is the Timberwolves’ season, a dumpster phoenix rises majestically from the ashes. You can guess who that phoenix represents. No, it’s not a real phoenix, those don’t exist. Come on. You know this one. Sh… Sha… No. Not Shavlik Randolph. He plays for the Phoenix Suns, true, but he is…

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Andrew Wiggins 21 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (12/30/2014)

This will be the year that indicates if the NBA awards voters care about advanced stats at all. I view the Rookie of the Year race as being down to two players: Andrew Wiggins and Nikola Mirotic. Wiggins has the edge in raw stats per game. As he should; he plays on a horrible team…

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Mike Dunleavy 23 Points Full Highlights (12/30/2014)

If Mike Dunleavy were a kind of hot sauce, what kind would he be? Think carefully before answering. While it may not seem that hot sauces would be analogous to basketball players, there are lots of comparable attributes. For example, Mike Dunleavy likes to shoot three-point field goals. What kinds of hot sauce have a…

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John Henson 11 Points/5 Blocks Full Highlights (12/29/2014)

John Henson has had five blocks in each of his last two games, both times playing around twenty minutes. Now the question is: does Jason Kidd disapprove of people on his team getting triple-doubles? Because Henson would get one fo sho if you played him forty minutes. Rebounds, points, and blocks. But let’s not stop…

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Zaza Pachulia 15 Points Full Highlights (12/29/2014)

I am so tired of watching Zaza Pachulia. Sometimes he makes a fancy pass that you wouldn’t expect from a center, but that’s the only good thing he ever does. I’m pretty sure his vertical is worse than Joel Przybilla’s would be right now if you were to test him. He has no touch at…

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Gerald Henderson 19 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (12/29/2014)

Here’s how you know that a team sucks: a player that was getting no minutes all of a sudden gets a lot of minutes, or vice versa. Using this advanced logical formula, you can tell me that Gerald Henderson went from a few DNP’s at the beginning of the season to nearly 40 minutes in…

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Rudy Gobert 11 Points/13 Rebounds Full Highlights (12/29/2014)

NBA players like to swear. In that regard, they are no different than anyone who plays basketball past elementary school. It’s an intense sport; when you get into it, stuff just flies out of your mouth without any filter that you might normally have. I myself have said regrettable things on the court (no I’m…

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Giannis Antetokounmpo 16 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (12/29/2014)

Time seemed to flow differently in this place. The alien landscape, while initially captivating due to its grotesque novelty, was easy to ignore; the cloudy, violet sky and brown, rocky ground did not vary. There was nothing that could be construed as a threat or even an object of interest. Giannis found his focus turned…

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Nikola Vucevic 26 Points Full Highlights (12/29/2014)

The Magic are bad yet again, despite the seeming quality of their roster. They’ve got a ton of players who you look at and say “I would def take him on my team he’s a stud sandwich”. Tobias Harris? Stud sandwich. Victor Oladipo? Stud sandwich. Nikola Vucevic? You guessed it. Stud sandwich. After much gathering…

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Danny Granger 21 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (12/29/2014)

I humbly present to you a new nickname for Danny Granger: “Danny Greenger” Get it? Probably not, this one’s pretty intricate. Your mind, overtaxed already by the stress of reading these words, forced your mouth to utter words. “What does the color green have to do with Danny Granger, DownTobuck?” Nothing, you dimwit. Let me…

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