Doug McDermott 12 Points/1 Dunk Bulls Debut Full Highlights (10/29/2014)

With a new NBA season comes my obligation to update my various player power rankings. The “maniacal-est chucker” and “stumpiest legs” lists alike need to be amended. First one on the docket: “most punchable face”. Luckily plastic surgery is not common among NBA players, so the bulk of the work went into assigning rookies their…

Read More

Isaiah Thomas 23 Points/5 Threes Suns Debut Full Highlights (10/29/2014)

At one point, though it has mostly died down, there was a lot of hype for the “Giannis Antetokounmpo as a point guard” concept. He represents a departure from the NBA of old, a utopist future of “positionless basketball”. I don’t see why Isaiah Thomas can’t be part of that future too. The Suns have…

Read More

Kelly Olynyk 19 Points Full Highlights (10/29/2014)

Kelly Olynyk stood and watched the bus roll away. “BC Express – Canada’s finest discount transportation providers since 1973”. Sighing slightly, he picked up his duffel bags, readjusted his backpack and started walking down the main street of Kamloops, British Columbia. His great size attracted many curious stares, though no real recognition. Kamloops wasn’t really…

Read More

Alexey Shved 18 Points/5 Assists 76ers Debut Full Highlights (10/29/2014)

Alexey Shved was not a great player last year for the Timberwolves. And when I say “not great” I mean “quite awful, as if he had been navigating the seedy drug underworld of Yakutsk during timeouts”. Despite not building on the semi-successes of his rookie year, there was some optimism for him coming into this…

Read More

Devin Harris 17 points/5 Assists Full Highlights (10/28/2014)

First night of the season and I’m already disappointed. Would it have been so hard for the Mavs to trot out some exciting young talent last night? I watch Dirk with the knowledge that he’s going to disintegrate soon. I need fresh faces to keep those thoughts in the background. Looking at their roster, never…

Read More

Terrence Jones 16 Points Full Highlights (10/28/2014)

An annual pastime of a basketball fan is participating in “bold prediction” discussions. This is where fans display their homerism by pegging their awful team for a playoff berth or auguring by the birds in the sky that their favorite scrubby player will score 20 a game. Conversely, predictions not involving their favorite team tend…

Read More

Carlos Boozer 17 Points Lakers Debut Full Highlights (10/28/2014)

Carlos banged his fist on the desk in anger. “What do you mean, ‘quarterly losses of 22 million?’” I thought you said this was a sure thing, Travis!” Travis, CEO of Booze Cruise Unlimited, shrunk away from his angry investor. “It is, Carlos, it is. We just need more money. People love you, man, and…

Read More

Ryan Anderson 22 Points Full Highlights (10/28/2014)

Pelicans new court: yeah or nah? I mean, it’s just got a pair of big old pelicans inside the three point arcs. It’s either awesome^2 or maximal lameitude. Keep this anecdote in mind while arriving at a decision: I was watching the pregame stuff for this game and they showed Ryan Anderson walking out on…

Read More

Tobias Harris 25 Points Full Highlights (10/28/2014)

There is always some disorientation when a new NBA season starts. I pay fairly close attention to the goings-on around the league during the offseason, but it makes no difference; Luke Ridnour in a Magic jersey just doesn’t jive. And I refuse to believe that a player named “Kostas Papanikolaou” exists. He’s surely a conjuration…

Read More

Aaron Gordon 11 Points Magic Debut Full Highlights (10/28/2014)

Slumbering serenely in my bed, I dreamt of all the normal subjects: females, unrecognized anxieties, food, and things that my waking brain does not let me recall. Whatever my dream was at that moment, it didn’t matter, for I felt myself being poked in the back, and I awoke. My girlfriend Nadine often does this…

Read More