Jimmy Butler 23 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (11/7/2014)

Jimmy Butler sat in the boarded-up, abandoned building that he used as a safehouse and looked down at the glowing blue basketball in his hands. Here was a tool that he had used to start a revolution, a weapon of his own invention that possessed such destructive power that the World Government had been sent…

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Evan Fournier 20 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2014)

Even though I ragged on it while Evan Fournier was in Denver, I sorta miss their announcers saying “Un, Deux, Trois!” after Fournier made a three. To compensate I’ve taken to saying it if I’m just watching a game at home. Shouting it, really. It really adds to the experience of viewing a game if…

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Al Horford 24 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2014)

Rallies are underway to demand that Al Horford be named an All-Star this year. He has been named to the team in the past, that is true, but his continued streak of high level play has not been adequately rewarded. I’ve been organizing demonstrations in public places around town to protest this incredible injustice. If…

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Mike Dunleavy 27 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (11/7/2014)

Call me optimistic, but I thought, going into this year, that there would be a battle for the starting small forward position. Two players with similar skill-sets and skin pigmentation. The incumbent, Mike Dunleavy, versus the young upstart, Doug McDermott. I was wrong. First or second time ever, I think. It turns out that McDermott,…

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Dante Exum 11 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (11/7/2014)

I don’t know about you guys, but when I think about Dante Exum, the area of land that comes to mind first is not Australia or even Utah, but Ethiopia. Yes, the mighty Axumite empire is what I recall foremost, a nation of power that rivaled its contemporaries in the middle of the first millennium….

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Cleanthony Early 12 Points/1 Dunk Full Highlights (11/7/2014)

All I know about Cleanthony Early is that he was drafted in the second round by the Knicks, to the wonderment of the ESPN draft commentators who thought he was really good and should have gone earlier. I don’t know if he was drafted too high, too low, or just right. My brain gets all…

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Mirza Teletovic 18 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2014)

Mirza Teletovic has always been, and always will be, a merciless three point gunner. I know it’s early in the season, but 9 threes attempted per 36 is totally plantains. Plus he’s making 46% of those attempts. He won’t keep it up, but if he did, we could wave Stephen Curry’s record goodbye after a…

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Aaron Gordon 17 Points/2 Threes/3 Dunks Full Highlights (11/6/2014)

The Magic’s new slogan seems to be “That’s Pure Magic”. It appears to be most often used after a spectacular basketball play made by a member of the team. It was applied to Aaron Gordon after he made a three-pointer. Now, a shot from that distance is definitely a laudable achievement, but it hardly qualifies…

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Chris Kaman 12 Points Full Highlights (11/6/2014)

Chris “Kaveman” Kaman is definitely the most hobo-looking guy in the NBA. I don’t think it’s close at all. Josh McRoberts could give him a run for his money if he just failed to wash his hair for a few weeks, but Chris will always retain the edge in bald spot possession. This is one…

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Cory Joseph 18 Points Full Highlights (11/6/2014)

If I were a TNT executive I’d be calling Alan Silver right now and demanding a sincere and groveling apology. I go through all the trouble to choose a nice in-state matchup between two good teams and some fatheaded coach has to go and sit his stars? Viewers want compelling superstars and Shaq making a…

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