Bobby Portis 22 Points Full Highlights (1/8/2018)

Bobby Portis must have taken some notes from Nikola Mirotic before tonight’s game: when in doubt, shoot the ball, and when not in doubt, shoot the ball also because who knows if your teammates are going to pass it back to you? Alternatively, he could have taken notes from my friend Dylan who never stops…

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Bobby Portis Career High 27 Points Full Highlights (12/15/2017)

No Markkanen, no problem. No one on the Bucks could handle Bobby Portis tonight. Neither could they handle Robin Lopez, but he’s not the one who just got a career-high in points. Thon Maker, in particular, made me wish that he was back in Canada going through high school for the third time. Portis basically…

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Bobby Portis 23 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2017)

Bobby Portis and Nikola Mirotic took a break from punching each other in the face tonight, instead focusing their fists on a new foe: the Boston Celtics. Together, united in hatred of a common enemy, they repeatedly rammed their fists into the testicles of the Celtics, with Portis scoring a career-high 23 and Mirotic scoring…

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Bobby Portis 20 Points Full Highlights (11/10/2017)

We have to, as fans, move on from the Bobby Portis/Nikola Mirotic punching incident. We have to be mature, we have to show that we are not amused by such debased depravity. We approach basketball in a studious manner, we are students of the game, and we care not for the E!SPN-driven drama outside of…

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Bobby Portis 21 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2017)

“You must learn to control your anger,” said the withered old monk, who sat across from a man much taller and stronger than him. “I understand, master,” replied Bobby Portis. “But it is hard. My emotions are too intense, and they don’t allow themselves to be bottled up within.” He remembered all the times in…

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Bobby Portis 19 Points Full Highlights (4/16/2017)

Bobby Portis was the reason the Bulls were victorious tonight. Bobby Portis won his team a playoff game. His first ever playoff game, and he, well, he didn’t exactly put his team on his back, but where would they have been without all his long jumpers? You can point to other players (player) on his…

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Bobby Portis 21 Points Full Highlights (4/2/2017)

Bobby Portis AKA Crazy Eyes Portis AKA Bobby Bitches has been the object of some consternation among Bulls fans. He never seems to perform well as a starter, the very times when his team needs him to step up, but he’s also inconsistent off the bench. It’s hard to blame all the Bulls’ problems on…

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Bobby Portis 22 Points Full Highlights (3/18/2017)

No. I wanted the Bulls to lose again. They are supposed to be imploding. Look at how happy the bench looks while Bobby Portis dominates the Jazz. They are supposedly to be sitting sullenly, maybe halfheartedly clapping, secretly hating each other. They are not supposed to be happy. Their happiness is causing me the opposite…

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Bobby Portis 19 Points Full Highlights (2/16/2017)

The All-Star break is upon us at last. No Bobby Portis involved, as far as I can tell, but that’s okay. He probably didn’t deserve that replacement spot over Carmelo Anthony, and he probably would have been a Darrell Armstrong-level in the dunk contest. So it’s all good. Bobby Bitches can take a week off…

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