Bobby Portis 21 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (3/11/2018)

Bobby “Crazy Eyes” Portis: a legit stretch four? Question mark? I would say, yeah, he totally is a legit stretch four. Legitimately. He’s only shooting 34% on three-pointers, but that’s legit enough where teams have to guard him at that distance. They can’t just let him shoot those shots. Or they could, if they’re tanking…

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Bobby Portis 22 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2018)

I think Bobby Portis cursed himself forever when he declared that he was going to score 40 (while sitting at 38), then failing to do so. Such hubris does not go unpunished by the karmic bodies that govern the mysterious machinations of the universe. I know this from first hand experience. I once said to…

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Bobby Portis Career High 38 Points Full Highlights (2/22/2018)

Big congratulations to Bobby Portis for not only demolishing his career-high by scoring 38 points against Joel Embaby and the 76ers, but also setting a new career-low in teammates punched, with 0. That’s right: he went the whole game, the WHOLE GAME, without ever turning to a fellow Bull, saying “I’m going to punch you…

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Bobby Portis 19 Points Full Highlights (2/12/2018)

Bobby “Crazy Eyes” Portis is definitely not a shy shooter (he’s also not a shy puncher, but that joke’s been played out). For a guy who’s not usually viewed as a big-time scorer, he puts up a lot of shots. Maybe the narrative on him should change, because I just checked his per-36 stats (truly…

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Bobby Portis 22 Points Full Highlights (1/24/2018)

I consistently overestimate the interest that the average viewer has in Bobby “That Boy Ain’t Right” Portis. It’s been a long time since that punchout with Mirotic, and any extra attention he gained from that is gone. I also get the feeling that he’s sort of a relic on the Bulls, a remnant of a…

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Bobby Portis 22 Points Full Highlights (1/8/2018)

Bobby Portis must have taken some notes from Nikola Mirotic before tonight’s game: when in doubt, shoot the ball, and when not in doubt, shoot the ball also because who knows if your teammates are going to pass it back to you? Alternatively, he could have taken notes from my friend Dylan who never stops…

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Bobby Portis Career High 27 Points Full Highlights (12/15/2017)

No Markkanen, no problem. No one on the Bucks could handle Bobby Portis tonight. Neither could they handle Robin Lopez, but he’s not the one who just got a career-high in points. Thon Maker, in particular, made me wish that he was back in Canada going through high school for the third time. Portis basically…

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Bobby Portis 23 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2017)

Bobby Portis and Nikola Mirotic took a break from punching each other in the face tonight, instead focusing their fists on a new foe: the Boston Celtics. Together, united in hatred of a common enemy, they repeatedly rammed their fists into the testicles of the Celtics, with Portis scoring a career-high 23 and Mirotic scoring…

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Bobby Portis 20 Points Full Highlights (11/10/2017)

We have to, as fans, move on from the Bobby Portis/Nikola Mirotic punching incident. We have to be mature, we have to show that we are not amused by such debased depravity. We approach basketball in a studious manner, we are students of the game, and we care not for the E!SPN-driven drama outside of…

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Bobby Portis 21 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2017)

“You must learn to control your anger,” said the withered old monk, who sat across from a man much taller and stronger than him. “I understand, master,” replied Bobby Portis. “But it is hard. My emotions are too intense, and they don’t allow themselves to be bottled up within.” He remembered all the times in…

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