Bobby Portis 24 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (2/11/2019)

The honeymoon period might have ended for Jabari Parker (he scored no points in nineteen minutes this game), but it’s still going strong for Bobby “Crazy Eyes” Portis. I would say that he’s going a long way towards establishing himself as the second banana on the Wall-less ‘Zards after Bradley Beal. He just seems to…

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Bobby Portis 30 Points Wizards Debut Full Highlights (2/8/2019)

Bobby Portis walked towards the locker room after the Wizards’ win over the Cavs. He had been delayed by almost half an hour by joyous fans begging him to sign their stuff, and, wanting to make a good impression on his new fanbase, Bobby had obliged. Now he was arriving to the presumably celebratory locker…

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Bobby Portis 33 Points Full Highlights (2/2/2019)

Bobby Portis absolutely torched the Hornets in the first half, scoring 28 points from all areas of the court. Using the fantastic powers of your human brain, apply the concepts of mathematics to figure out how many points he scored in the second half, knowing that information as well as the knowing the title of…

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Bobby Portis 26 Points Full Highlights (1/30/2019)

Since I’m chronically running low on material to pad out my video descriptions, I decided to do some Google-aided research in order to find out if Bobby Portis’s “crazy eye” condition has a proper medical term, or if you just call it “bugged out eyes”. As it turns out, the OFFICIAL MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY for bugged…

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Bobby Portis 21 Points Full Highlights (1/19/2019)

The Bulls are 2-13 in contests where Bobby Portis ignores the orders of the entire coaching staff screaming at him and inserts himself into the game. When he doesn’t do that, and instead sits blithely on the bench in a painkiller-induced reverie, they’re… 8-23. So, not even that much better. I don’t know what point…

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Bobby Portis 20 Points Full Highlights (10/18/2018)

One of the best happenings of the 2017-18 was Bobby Portis bragging he was going to get 40 to an opposing bench and then only getting 39. Dang it, Bobby, you know that only superstar players are allowed to make proclamations like that. Otherwise you’re just begging to be made a fool of. As far…

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Bobby Portis 21 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (3/11/2018)

Bobby “Crazy Eyes” Portis: a legit stretch four? Question mark? I would say, yeah, he totally is a legit stretch four. Legitimately. He’s only shooting 34% on three-pointers, but that’s legit enough where teams have to guard him at that distance. They can’t just let him shoot those shots. Or they could, if they’re tanking…

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Bobby Portis 22 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2018)

I think Bobby Portis cursed himself forever when he declared that he was going to score 40 (while sitting at 38), then failing to do so. Such hubris does not go unpunished by the karmic bodies that govern the mysterious machinations of the universe. I know this from first hand experience. I once said to…

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Bobby Portis Career High 38 Points Full Highlights (2/22/2018)

Big congratulations to Bobby Portis for not only demolishing his career-high by scoring 38 points against Joel Embaby and the 76ers, but also setting a new career-low in teammates punched, with 0. That’s right: he went the whole game, the WHOLE GAME, without ever turning to a fellow Bull, saying “I’m going to punch you…

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Bobby Portis 19 Points Full Highlights (2/12/2018)

Bobby “Crazy Eyes” Portis is definitely not a shy shooter (he’s also not a shy puncher, but that joke’s been played out). For a guy who’s not usually viewed as a big-time scorer, he puts up a lot of shots. Maybe the narrative on him should change, because I just checked his per-36 stats (truly…

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