Tyler Zeller 22 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (2/20/2015)

“Squad, take down this door. DownToBuck is going down just like his little friend.” The NBA enforcers are at my door, just as Dawk Ins had warned me. I look down at my cat. “Japurri, to your station,” I command. “If war is what they desire, war is what they shall receive.” I put on…

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Jared Sullinger 22 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (2/3/2015)

Jared Sullinger is in possession of a donk that would make any trashy girl jealous, and probably a fair few non-trashy girls as well. You could transplant it onto a notoriously pancake-assed celebrity like Mila Kunis and she would instantly be the most sought-after actress in the business. I mean, if Jared’s rear end looks…

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Avery Bradley 26 Points Full Highlights (2/3/2015)

Fans of the “Threes and Layups” style of basketball that is all the rage these days may want to refrain from clicking on this video. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Avery Bradley channeled his inner 90’s chucker (you know who I’m talking about) and scored 26 points, mainly on pull-up midrange jumpers just inside…

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Tayshaun Prince 19 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (1/26/2015)

Father Time has landed a fair few heavy blows to Tayshaun Prince. I don’t know how much longer he can remain in the league, especially now that he’s on a rebuilding team who doesn’t have much use for his talents. How far can championship experience take a player? Judging by his current apperance, it looks…

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Jared Sullinger 26 Points Full Highlights (1/25/2015)

The “Make Jared Sullinger shoot threes until he gets good at it” experiment orchestrated by the Celtics’ coaching staff is paying off: Sully is shooting over 30% from three this year! I don’t know what officially qualifies a player for the “stretch four” designation, but he’s got to be pretty close by now. I’ve compared…

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Avery Bradley 18 Points Full Highlights (1/22/2015)

18 points for Avery Bradley. Not very exciting, especially as said points were acquired in an Averyesque way: long two-point jumpers. The real gems here are the four (4!) primo dimes that he dished out, surely a season or even career high. I didn’t know he had this kind of passing ability in him, considering…

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Marcus Smart 14 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (1/19/2015)

I don’t want to cause a huge racial stir, on this day of celebration for one Martin Luther King, but there is something I want to point out, a difference that proves blacks and whites can never truly be equal. Black people really have it good, because if their face happens to be totally covered…

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Jared Sullinger 27 Points Full Highlights (1/12/2015)

“Now, Jared, I’m sure you know why I called you in for this one-on-one meeting,” said Celtics coach Brad Stevens. Jared sat, confused, across the desk from his coach. “Is it because I’m not getting enough rebounds? I’ll try harder, I promise.” Brad squeezed the bridge of his nose between his fingertips as if attempting…

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Jae Crowder Career High 22 Points Full Highlights (1/12/2015)

Jae Crowder is perhaps best known as a player who is on Josh Smith’s list of ballers who he won’t respond to. Also he can play good defense while trying to blend in with the court on offense. Usually. Tonight something got into him, a primal desire to score more points than he ever had…

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Kelly Olynyk 23 Points Full Highlights (1/9/2015)

“Forgot my shades.” Kelly Olynyk walked in to the storage room, grabbed his sunglasses, put them on, and walked out without another word. The members of Starcubism, minus their keyboardist, looked at each other. “Don’t tell me you expected that, Moonbeam.” Ferguson said agitatedly after briefly being buoyed by Kelly’s reappearance. Moonbeam wore a different…

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