Cristiano Felicio 16 Points Full Highlights (3/21/2018)

Cristiano “What Are You Doing In My Swamp” Felicio is the leading scorer for the Bulls in two consecutive games. I am wholly unprepared to deal with this information; perhaps you will do better when confronted with this unfortunate truth. This video makes a perfect foil to the Nikola Jokic highlights I just uploaded. It…

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Cristiano Felicio Career High 17 Points Full Highlights (3/19/2018)

I will attempt to make it through this entire description without once mentioning the contract situation of Cristiano “Useless Brazilian Shaq” Felicio. Can I do it? Let’s find out! Felicio had a career-high of 17 points tonight. I could’ve sworn he had scored 18 when he was in his rookie season and not yet ridiculously…

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Denzel Valentine Career High 34 Points/8 Threes Full Highlights (3/17/2018)

I’m super duper sorry that I’m late to the party with this one. This is, like, absolute primo DTB material, Denzel “Devalent” (like “divalent”, get it???? okay bad nickname i’m sorry) Valentine scoring 34 with 8 threes and turning LeBron James into NoDefense Suckballs (actually it was mostly George Hill he was abusing but who…

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Bobby Portis 21 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (3/11/2018)

Bobby “Crazy Eyes” Portis: a legit stretch four? Question mark? I would say, yeah, he totally is a legit stretch four. Legitimately. He’s only shooting 34% on three-pointers, but that’s legit enough where teams have to guard him at that distance. They can’t just let him shoot those shots. Or they could, if they’re tanking…

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Antonio Blakeney 14 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2018)

The Bulls want to lose. We know that. They want to lose so bad that they’re willing to blatantly (so blatantly that Adam Silver had to tell them not to be so blatant) rest some of their better players for no reason other than to hurt their chances of winning. So why haven’t they played…

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Cameron Payne 17 Points Full Highlights (3/9/2018)

Cameron “Can’t Play In the NBA” Payne is, contrary to what would be expected of him given his nickname, is playing in the NBA right now. The nickname refers to when Bulls coaches/FO people claimed that Payne wouldn’t be able to play at an NBA level after seeing his second practice, and the only reason…

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Lauri Markkanen 22 Points Full Highlights (3/7/2018)

Lauri Markkanen has the best white-dude fro in the league since, heck, I can’t remember any recent players who rocked it at all. So we’re just going to go with Brad Davis. Lauri Markkanen has the best white-dude fro in the league since Brad Davis. It’s not even that big, yet it’s the best, which…

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Denzel Valentine 20 Points Full Highlights (3/5/2018)

The final score of this game, 105-89 in favor of the Celtics, does not accurately represent how much of a complete massacre it was. I watched a decent chunk of the first half, so it was no surprise when I saw their total as they reached intermission: 2 points. 2 points for the whole team…

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Kris Dunn 18 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (3/2/2018)

It seems like the dream of the collective Bulls fanbase has come true: Jerian Grant has been pushed almost completely out of the rotation. With the emergence of Kris Dunn, the return of Zach LaVine, the somehow not-total-garbage play of Cameron Payne (Payne, Lauvergne, and Morrow for McDermott and Gibson was a really awful trade…

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Bobby Portis 22 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2018)

I think Bobby Portis cursed himself forever when he declared that he was going to score 40 (while sitting at 38), then failing to do so. Such hubris does not go unpunished by the karmic bodies that govern the mysterious machinations of the universe. I know this from first hand experience. I once said to…

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