Mike Dunleavy 21 Points/1 Injury Full Highlights (3/13/2014)

Mike Dunleavy, henceforth referred to as “Manleavy”, is allegedly a dirty player. That’s why DeMarcus Cousins hates him. However, since Manleavy is white, he is a “tough competitor” as opposed to an “out-of-control thug”. Let us do away with the concept of race entirely and just accept the fact that all professional athletes are thugs!…

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Taj Gibson 22 Points Full Highlights (3/5/2014)

Taj Gibson, having been shown the ways of womanizing and chauvinism, was a reformed man. No longer obsessed with the cheerleader Caroline, whose body had been defiled in vile ways by Mike Dunleavy’s “Man Sauce”, he freely and frequently bedded all manner of hot women. He even garnered a reputation among his teammates for being…

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Kirk Hinrich 19 Points Full Highlights (2/19/2014)

The Bulls have remained semi-competitive this year despite the passing of Derrick Rose. This is not good news for their fans who, when Derrick went down, wanted nothing more than to tank. What good is a one-and-done playoff appearance when you could get the number 1 pick and draft Kyle Anderson? You can blame Tom…

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Taj Gibson Career High 26 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (1/22/2014)

Taj flipped idly through his mail. He didn’t know why he bothered; fan mail sent through the postal service was becoming less and less, and nothing else of any great import ever was present in these large stacks of letters. Then, a light pink envelope caught his eye. Usually that color signified the fan mail…

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D.J. Augustin 27 Points Full Highlights (1/20/2014)

DJ Augustin was recently waived by the Toronto Raptors. And for good reason too, as he was totally sucking. He didn’t get much of a chance, but how many chances does one deserve when one screws them all up? But now he gets to start for an injury-ravaged Bulls team who desperately needed a point…

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D.J. Augustin 19 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (1/18/2014)

D.J. Augustin might be a pretty good basketball player. Elite free throw shooter, good distributor, and can be counted on to hit threes when necessary. But he’s not the best DJ around. That would be me. My beats are off the charts. When I’m spinning my records and mixing on the fly, I have to…

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Mike Dunleavy 20 Points Full Highlights (1/4/2014)

This question has been bugging me for a long time. Do NBA players get free food at the arenas where they play? Could they just walk off the bench during a timeout to grab some hot dogs or chicken wings? Because, if so, that would be awesome. I can imagine it: kicking back on the…

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Jimmy Butler 20 Points Full Highlights (12/18/2013)

Jimmy Butler walked through the darkened streets of the burned-out city. The war had not been kind to Chicago. The basketball, his weapon, now normally colored again, betrayed no evidence of the destructive posterization it had been used for. The sirens still wailed. “Code Orange! Code Orange! Please stay in your houses until the all…

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Mike Dunleavy 25 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (12/10/2013)

Mike Dunleavy grabbed his phone off the bedside table and dialed his teammate Taj Gibson. “Hey Mike, what’s up?” came Taj’s voice. “Oh, nothing, just wanted to see what you were up to,” Mike responded. There was a pause where nothing was heard but the squeaking of Mike’s bed. “What’s making that noise? And why…

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Kirk Hinrich 13 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (12/5/2013)

Imagine the conflicting thoughts that were running through Kirk Hinrich’s head at the time of Derrick Rose’s injury. On one hand, “Man, I hope Derrick’s okay, we need him if we want to make noise in the playoffs.” On the other hand, “I am going to get so many minutes now.” Actually, Kirk was thinking…

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