Timofey Mozgov Career High 28 Points Full Highlights (6/11/2015)

Yeah, yeah, Timofey Mozgov gets a career high, Warriors tie the Finals at two apiece, whatever. Nobody cares. There’s bigger things to talk about. I’m talking about the Ersan Ilyasova trade if you couldn’t figure it out. Honestly, DTB is not too bummed about this development. From a basketball standpoint, Ilyasova was never going to…

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Matthew Dellavedova 19 Points Full Highlights (5/14/2015)

Regular season Delly is content to play his role on the team. Playoff Delly is an entirely different beast, a beast who only desires to watch Kyrie get injured so that he can take over the entire game. This “Playoff Delly” is a result of a series of botched electroshock treatments and misperformed surgeries to…

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James Jones 17 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (5/6/2015)

James Jones is getting a little long in the tooth, and it’s time for him to start searching the league for one last payday. He knows his time with his current team is up, after only a single, marginally disappointing, year. Who can blame him for desiring a change of scenery? His unique talents, talents…

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Iman Shumpert 22 Points Full Highlights (5/4/2015)

Iman Shumpert’s flattop is looking a little healthier than it was earlier in the season. Not as voluminous, but definitely sturdier. It used to resemble the Leaning Tower of Pisa, veering rakishly at an angle due to its own immensity. Or, alternatively, looking like someone took a Dumpert on his head. Now it’s a classy…

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Matthew Dellavedova 18 Points/12 Assists Full Highlights (4/15/2015)

Matthew Dellavedova watched the ceiling tiles scroll past him. “You know what, doc, actually, I feel totally fine,” he said as he struggled weakly against the straps holding him against the rolling hospital bed. “No, you’re not fine, Matthew. Your team’s rehab efforts have failed, for the most part. Your body still craves the drugs….

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Matthew Dellavedova 14 Points Full Highlights (4/2/2015)

LeBron James and Tristan Thompson stood nervously outside of Matthew Dellavedova’s apartment door, talking in hushed tones. “You got the plan, Bron? Run in, grab the target, restrain him, and take him to rehab. Simple. He might be hostile, but we should be able to handle him.” Tristan Thompson toyed with the duplicated key in…

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J.R. Smith 25 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (3/15/2015)

Attention JR Smith: if you do not do the chicken dance, the one you did that one time in Denver, after your Cavaliers win a championship, then I’m gonna be really pissed. That was one of the greatest occurrences in NBA history, your little three-point victory dance. It would be such a poetic moment if…

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Timofey Mozgov 20 Points Full Highlights (2/11/2015)

Cavaliers’ record without Timofey Mozgov: 19-17. With Mozgov: 14-4. The defense rests, your honor. Cleveland may or may not have overpaid (alright let’s face it they drastically overpaid) for Mozgod’s services, but you cannot argue with results. He has filled a huge bear-shaped hole in the Cavaliers’ roster, with his defense and bigness. Unfortunately, we’ve…

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Timofey Mozgov 16 Points Full Highlights (1/21/2015)

“Yo Timofey, I heard from some of the guys around the league that you like to party real hard,” said Matthew Dellavadova. Timofey nodded. “Yes. I party in the Russian manner, and American consider it to be very extreme form of party.” Matthew puffed up a bit. “Well, down under, we do it a little…

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Tristan Thompson 24 Points Full Highlights (1/16/2015)

Tristan lay half-awake in his bed, thinking about what he would like to eat for breakfast. There were at least six different kinds of cereal in his cupboards; some Golden Grahams or Cookie Crisp would be pretty tasty. He also had ingredients for omelettes or pancakes, options that would be even tastier but also require…

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