Jakob Poeltl 14 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (10/21/2017)

The Raptors’ center situation can be viewed, not as a clash of basketball players and their respective talents, but as a geopolitically-charged morass that’s waiting to explode at any moment. With Valanciunas represnting Lithuania, Poeltl representing Austria, and Nogueira representing Brazil, you can bet that the embassies of these countries are watching the situation very…

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Jonathon Simmons 18 Points Full Highlights (5/11/2017)

Jonathon Simmons: Better than James Harden? Let’s take a look at the facts: POINTS: Simmons scored 18 points in this game. Harden scored 10 (LOL [lots of laughs]). ADVANTAGE: Simmons DEFENSE: Simmons plays defense. Harden doesn’t. ADVANTAGE: Simmons PASSING: Simmons had four assists. Harden had seven. But Harden’s assists were just a product of him…

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Kristaps Porzingis 34 Points/1 Fight Full Highlights (12/13/2016)

Kristaps Porzingis vs. Marquese Chriss: who ya got? I’m talking about if they actually fought with their fists here. Not what really happened, which wasn’t indicative of anything except that NBA players don’t, when it comes to down to it, actually want to throw down. Let’s take a look at the facts, shall we? MUSCULATURE:…

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Seth Curry All 50 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2015-16 Season Three-ilation)

Seth Curry vs. Stephen Curry: who is the superior brother? In this truthful description where only the truest facts are outlaid with veracity and accuracy, we will answer that question in a rigorously logical manner. THREE POINT PERCENTAGE: Seth shot 45.0% over the course of the season. Stephen shot 45.4%. The raw numbers cannot be…

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Mason Plumlee 17 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (4/20/2016)

Who’s the better passing big, Blake Griffin or Mason Plumlee? ASSISTS: Plumlee had seven. Griffin had four. Seven is more than four according to the rules of math. PUNCHING PEOPLE: Griffin punches people all the time. He can’t go more than a few minutes without slamming his fist into somebody’s head. Mason Plumlee is a…

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D.J. Augustin 24 Points Full Highlights (3/19/2016)

D.J. Augustin vs. Emmanuel Mudiay: who is officially better? Shooting: At this point in his career, Mudiay cannot shoot. Period. Point blank. At all. Augustin, while maybe not a “shooter”, can shoot pretty well. Advantage: Augustin Passing: Mudiay is a willing passer. Perhaps too willing, as his turnover numbers suggest. Augustin can pass sometimes but…

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Channing Frye 21 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (3/10/2016)

CHANNING FRYE vs KEVIN LOVE? Who ya got? Let’s take a look at the factual facts: Injury status: Kevin Love had a “knee contusion” and missed this game. Channing Frye had no such contusions. Advantage: Frye Injury history: Love is missing an arm from when Kelly Olynyk ripped it off. The doctors used twine to…

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Sasha Vujacic 23 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (3/9/2016)

Tonight was a great matchup of two exciting shooting guards, Devin Booker and Sasha Vujacic. But which one is better? Let’s take look at the facts with truthfulness. Team victory status: Vujacic’s team, the Knicks, were the winners of this basketball contest. Booker’s team, the Suns, were the losers. Advantage: Vujacic Points (career): Vujacic has…

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Jeff Green 22 Points Full Highlights (2/26/2016)

Jeff Green: better than Blake Griffin? Let’s analyze the facts in several key areas. Number of dunks this year: Green has dunked it 36 times this year, a number that is greater than Griffin’s 34. Advantage: Green Quality of dunks this year: I’ve looked at a bunch of Griffin dunks this year, and they kind…

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E’Twaun Moore Career High 24 Points Full Highlights (2/3/2016)

E’Twaun Moore: better than Jimmy Butler? The facts will be analyzed with truthfulness. Career Highs: E’Twaun Moore scored his career high in points tonight, while Jimmy Butler’s career high already occurred several games ago, which doesn’t help the Bulls out in the here and the now. Advantage: Moore Scoring Tonight: Butler didn’t even score a…

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