JaVale Mcgee 16 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (11/3/2014)

The early morning sun shone through the portrait windows, heating the room though the light layer of frost on the trees outside betrayed the true coldness of the dawn. JaVale McGee relaxed in his divan, sipping some imported Kopi Luwak, and retorted. “I know that, Kenneth, but I really think that the best thing to…

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JaVale McGee 8 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (11/1/2014)

JaVale McGee, clad scantily in a leopard-print speedo, relaxed in his outdoor hot tub. The contrast between the cool mountain air on his chest and the warm bubble-jets on his legs was sublime, much like the pairing of a medium-bodied Tuscan Chianti and rich dark chocolates from Paris which floated on a tray in front…

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Timofey Mozgov 22 Points/4 Dunks Full Highlights (4/9/2014)

Timofey Mozgov sat in the locker room, browsing NBA headlines on his phone. If he was being honest with himself, he was looking for stuff like “Mozgov leads Nuggets to victory,” but there wasn’t anything of that sort. There was, however, a story about Jonas Valanciunas’ recent DUI charges. As Timofey read the story, he…

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Quincy Miller Career High 19 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (4/6/2014)

Chris Marlowe, Denver Nuggets commentator, woke up disoriented. He was in a cell-like room, tied to a chair. A bare fluorescent tube provided blinding light that yielded no shadows. He looked down and noticed that a hastily-applied blindfold had slipped off his eyes, down around his neck, where it hung like a noose. His head…

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Evan Fournier 26 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (4/6/2014)

Evan Fournier reclined in his posh leather couch, enjoying a glass of the finest French Chardonnay. Just as he was about to put on his favorite recording of Debussy’s ‘Clair de Lune’, he was interrupted by his phone ringing. “This is the Fournicator.” “Is that what you call yourself now? It’s Jan.” Evan tensed up….

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Jan Vesely 10 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (4/2/2014)

What is Jan Vesely’s favorite spot in a supermarket? The Czechout lane. What is Jan Vesely’s preferred type of bank account? A Czeching account. How does Jan Vesely point out an attractive female to his friends? “Czech out the ass on that one.” What is Jan Vesely’s favorite State Farm television commercial? Discount Double-Czech. When…

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Aaron Brooks 24 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (4/2/2014)

The boxscore for this game lists Aaron Brooks as having blocked two shots. Damn good for a midget like him, right? That’s what I thought. So I check out the first one and it’s like 90% steal and 10% block. I cannot articulate the disappointment that I felt when I saw it except in the…

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Jan Vesely 10 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (3/23/2014)

Playing in the NBA must really suck. There are these things called “expectations” that follow you around your whole career and cause untold amounts of stress. Jan Vesely has plenty of these so-called “expectations”. These include “having skills other than athleticism”, “the ability to shoot free throws”, and “not being a gigantic bust”. Unfortunately he…

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Darrell Arthur 18 Points/1 Dunk Full Highlights (3/14/2014)

What kind of uploader would I be if I uploaded Darrell Arthur highlights but failed to include partial lyrics to the theme song for the kid’s cartoon “Arthur”? A bad kind of uploader, that’s what I’d be. I’d probably lose subscribers. So here they are (dope reggae beat not included): “Everyday when you’re walking down…

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Kenneth Faried 26 Points Full Highlights (3/12/2014)

Kenneth “Far Out” Faried could be considered the ultimate hustle player. The only time his motor ever gets shut off is if there’s no weed around. He makes up for his lack of “traditional” offensive skills by throwing his body and hair all over the place, becoming a marijuana-scented blur on the court. In this…

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