Evan Turner 22 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (1/1/2018)

Evan Turner is getting paid SO MUCH MONEY. Holy damn. Blazers fans are already acutely aware of this fact, and maybe everyone else is as well, but I’m still surprised every time I look at Portland’s cap situation. What were they thinking with that? He was fine in Boston, maybe edging towards “good”, but did…

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Evan Turner 24 Points Full Highlights (2/3/2017)

For the first few weeks of the season, Evan Turner was widely mocked and reviled for how he was performing relative to his contract. And not the good kind of mocking and reviling. The bad kind. The “worst contract in the league maybe” kind. He was assigned the blame for whatever troubles the Trailblazers were…

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Evan Turner 20 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2017)

ESPN’s Real Plus-Minus stat, which purports to measure on-court impact in terms of points gained or lost every 100 possessions (I bet they just pay some intern to make up the numbers), really hates Evan Turner. He is the sixth-worst player in the league if you go by that stat, sitting at a cool -4.27….

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Evan Turner 19 Points Full Highlights (11/20/2016)

Man, if these are the usual shots that Evan Turner takes, I can see why he is having a horrible year offensively. It makes for good highlights, I guess, all these contested midrange jumpers, but it doesn’t make for good percentages. Who does he think he is, DeMar DeRozan? Turner’s poor play means his huge…

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Evan Turner 21 Points Full Highlights (3/4/2016)

Evan Turner smiled at the little girl who was the next in line to get his autograph. “Hi little lady. What’s your name?” Evan asked. “Sammy!” The girl announced proudly. Evan prepared his pen to write the customary “To Sammy, -Evan Turner” on the glossy poster of his own face, but before the sharpie could…

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Evan Turner 30 Points Full Highlights (3/13/2015)

Evan Turner: Alien? You may scoff, but by the time you are done reading this carefully reasoned description, you will be convinced that Evan Turner is not a human being, as the mainstream media would have you believe, but an extraterrestrial from outer space. Exhibit A: His eyes were like super bugged out in every…

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Evan Turner 18 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (12/8/2014)

Evan Turner walked out to his mailbox to get his mail. It was another cold, yet beautiful, Massachusetts afternoon. Pausing to admire the crystalline blue sky and to breath the bracing air, his eye happened to catch his neighbor’s tree, naked of its leaves but still standing majestically out of the ground. Was it just…

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Evan Turner 19 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (11/8/2014)

Doing his best not to get frustrated, Evan Turner whistled a tune while being stuck in barely-moving traffic. Highway congestion in Boston was notorious, and he would find himself randomly not moving for long stretches of time. Given new opportunity to observe his surroundings, he looked at the billboards which dotted the side of the…

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Evan Turner 22 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (12/29/2013)

I never got the concept of easing up near the end of a blowout. The fans paid to see good basketball. They don’t want to see teams not even trying to score near the end of the game. I bet there are playoff tiebreakers where point differential matters. And it’s kind of like “We beat…

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Evan Turner 23 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (3/29/2013)

Evan Turner got off the school bus with tears in his eyes. The first day of first grade had been tough. Why didn’t any of the kids like him? He ran into his house, desperate to get away from the taunts and jeers of his schoolmates. “Awww my baby, what’s wrong honey?” his mom cooed…

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