Marreese Speights 22 Points Full Highlights (4/2/2014)

Brow shining with sweat, Marreese slaved away in his kitchen with uncanny focus. As steams and aromas wafted around him from multiple pots, he darted to and fro; tasting this, sampling that, adding ingredients with precision. Tossing in dashes of spice and small amounts of chopped vegetable, he controlled his domain with the steady hand…

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Jermaine O’Neal 20 Points/1 Goaltend Full Highlights (4/1/2014)

I’m mad! Sometimes fallible human referees make the wrong call near the end of a close game, costing one team or the other a well-earned victory in a game that is an otherwise pure and idealistic representation of human spirit and competition! Not only am I mad, I am mad on THE INTERNET. If I’m…

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Jordan Crawford 19 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (4/1/2014)

Sometimes I yearn for the old days. The days when Jordan Crawford had his own crappy team where he got to swag it up and do all the crazy stuff he wanted, pretending he was Kobe. His more recent role of coming off the bench for a scoring punch isn’t as fun. The NBA isn’t…

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Draymond Green Career High 18 Points Full Highlights (3/14/2014)

My rap career is proceeding apace. I just wrote this gem for Draymond Green (original content do not steal): “Chillin’, just a rookie in the league Shooting twenty percent from trey If you like to look at men’s dongs It’s an indication that you’re gay Working hard to up his game PER no longer at…

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Jordan Crawford 19 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2014)

Jordan Crawford will forever be that guy who thinks he’s better than Michael Jordan. However, I feel that Crawford is misrepresented when people talk about what he said. Here’s the quote: “I don’t tell nobody, but I feel like I can be better than Michael Jordan.” This doesn’t mean that he is better than Michael…

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Andrew Bogut 15 Points/4 Dunks Full Highlights (3/11/2014)

Andrew Bogut dunking on Monta Ellis must have represented something, but I am too literal-minded to figure out what. There is something deeper meaning hidden within the poster dunk/alley-oop layup, a metaphor of great significance. It has something to do with the Bucks, but that is all I can ascertain.

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Klay Thompson 25 Points/1 Game Winner Full Highlights (3/4/2014)

One game he looks like a god. The next he looks like a scrub who can’t do anything. Such is the life of Klay Thompson. It’s not his fault that he’s pretty much a pure shooter with a dash of defense added in. Shooters get hot. Shooter go cold. That’s what they do, and that’s…

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Klay Thompson 25 Points Full Highlights (2/28/2014)

Stats accumulated against the Knicks shouldn’t even count anymore. They are like the 80’s-era Nuggets in terms of not playing any defense ever. Yeah, Klay-doh scored 25 points, but you can just see the defeat in the Knicks’ eyes. They don’t even care about closing out on shooters. Frankly, I’m a little mad that Klay-doh…

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Jermaine O’Neal 23 Points/6 Dunks Full Highlights (2/22/2014)

In the realm of the elders of the NBA, Jermaine O’Neal might be the savviest and vettest of them all. He’s been in the league for almost as long as Giannis Antetokounmpo has been alive. MJ was still averaging 30 a game the year Jermaine first cut his teeth against NBA competition. DAMN. His recent…

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Marreese Speights Career High 32 Points Full Highlights (2/10/2014)

What is that thing on Marreese Speights’ head? Oh god. It doesn’t look good, whatever it is. I Googled “Marreese Speights thing on head” (thanks autocomplete), but it didn’t shed any light on the matter. I hope it’s not cancer. Anyway, despite his disgusting cranial deformity, Marreese Speights had a career night against the team…

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