Jarrett Jack 20 Points Full Highlights (5/14/2013)

Jarrett Jack should punch his parents in the face for naming him such a stupid name. “Jarrett Jack”. It sounds like the cross between a B-list country singer’s stage name and the name of a cowboy-themed professional wrestler, with a dash of social-security-dependent hick living in a trailer park whose wardrobe consists of nothing but…

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Draymond Green Career High 16 Points/10 Rebounds Full Highlights (5/2/2013)

“911, what is your emergency?” Draymond almost couldn’t hold in his laughter. “Yo lady, we got a fire here at Oracle Arena, send some firemen down here quick!” “Okay sir, could I have your name?” “Yeah, It’s Draymond.” His teammates were gathered around, giggling. “Okay Draymond, before we send a crew down there, tell me…

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Klay Thompson 19 Points Full Highlights (4/30/2013)

“Hey Steph, you know, this doesn’t seem like a great idea.” “Shut up Klay. I can’t remember who broke the NBA record for made threes this year, maybe you could remind me?” “You did. That doesn’t change the fact that this is a bad idea, even by your standards. My hieroglyph-parsing skills are diminished since…

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Harrison Barnes 23 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (4/30/2013)

Is there a more presidential name in the NBA than Harrison Barnes? I don’t think so. I’d definitely vote for him. I wouldn’t even think about it. Just seeing his name on the ballot, I’d be like “Wow look at that name. Harrison Barnes. I trust him already. He is the man to lead this…

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Draymond Green Career High 13 Points Full Highlights (4/28/2013)

Draymond “21 Percent” Green has drawn a lot of ire from Golden State fans for his inadequate offensive game. He shot under 34% from the field this year. Yeah. I’d be mad too. Supposedly he’s a good defender, but I’m pretty sure that when you suck at offense people just call you a defensive specialist…

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Andrew Bogut 12 Points/5 Dunks Full Highlights (4/28/2013)

We are never going to see the old Andrew Bogut again, I don’t think. No more half-assed hook shots. No more establishing him in the post. Why slow down your offense by doing that when you have Curry and Thompson? So now we have the new Bogut, whose offensive game is limited now to easy…

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Harrison Barnes 24 Points/4 Dunks Full Highlights (4/23/2013)

If you’re Mark Jackson, and your starting power forward (David Lee) goes down with a gruesome and unwatchable injury, who do you pick to start at the PF spot? Remember, this is a graded quiz, so you guys had better try on this one. Parent-teacher conferences are coming up and I don’t want to have…

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Klay Thompson 30 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (4/9/2013)

“Hey Steph, Carl, Kent, you guys, come check this out! I’ve hit 25 in a row!” Klay’s teammates ambled over to where the sharpshooter was draining threes from the top of the key. He continued, “I feel like I could shoot these all day. I’m in the zone!” as he splashed another one. Nothing but…

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Andrew Bogut 10 Points/4 Assists/2 Blocks Full Highlights (3/23/2013)

“Dear Amar”’e, I hope this letter finds you well. You may wonder why I am bothering to write to you. It is well known that we are not friends. After you brutally ended my season in 2010, pushing me from the rim to land horribly on my elbow, our relationship has not been close, and…

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