Jermaine O’Neal 18 Points Full Highlights (11/26/2013)

The first time I ever heard of Jermaine O’Neal was in the Guinness world records book. I know it seems weird, because Jermaine isn’t really the record setting type. But at the time he was the youngest player to have ever played in the NBA. If you looked now his name wouldn’t be there. Some…

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Toney Douglas 21 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (11/8/2013)

Well, that sucked. Spurs beat the Warriors 76-74 in what might be the lowest-scoring game of the year. And the game’s leading scorer was none other than Toney “Baloney” Douglas! The Warriors commentators were so distraught over Stephen Curry’s injury that all they could do was project his attributes onto other players, and that included…

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Andre Iguodala 32 Points/7 Threes Full Highlights (11/4/2013)

“Night falls over the city of Philadelphia. The evil lurking in the shadows is making ready to appear, to disrupt the lives of the citizens of this beautiful town. Ah yes. The night. My time. Beware evil-doers, for…” “Damn it Andre, I knew I’d find you up here on the roof of the Wells Fargo…

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Klay Thompson 27 Points Full Highlights (11/2/2013)

Some people complain the Klay Thompson doesn’t get to the charity stripe enough. Those people are stupid. You know what it would take for him to shoot more free throws? More layups. More drives. And those aren’t things that Thompson is good at. He’s good at one thing only: shooting J’s. Telling him to do…

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Andrew Bogut 17 Points Full Highlights (10/31/2013)

OFFICIAL MOST HORRIFIC SPORTS INJURIES POWER RANKINGS 1. Clint Malarchuk (I would recommend never, ever watching this video, or even listening to the call from the booth) 2-999. Nothing else is even close to Clint Malarchuk 1000. Kevin Ware 1001. Andrew Bogut (thanks Amar””e!) 1002. Joe Theismann 1003. Shaun Livingston, may God rest his soul

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Klay Thompson Career High 38 Points Full Highlights (10/30/2013)

“Alright Steph, I got the stuff you asked for. You must be making a ton of omelettes or something. And I guess after you’re done eating all of ’em you’re gonna be having a fun time cause this is a ton of toilet paper.” “Klay you idiot those eggs ain’t for eating. And that TP…

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Jarrett Jack 20 Points Full Highlights (5/14/2013)

Jarrett Jack should punch his parents in the face for naming him such a stupid name. “Jarrett Jack”. It sounds like the cross between a B-list country singer’s stage name and the name of a cowboy-themed professional wrestler, with a dash of social-security-dependent hick living in a trailer park whose wardrobe consists of nothing but…

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Draymond Green Career High 16 Points/10 Rebounds Full Highlights (5/2/2013)

“911, what is your emergency?” Draymond almost couldn’t hold in his laughter. “Yo lady, we got a fire here at Oracle Arena, send some firemen down here quick!” “Okay sir, could I have your name?” “Yeah, It’s Draymond.” His teammates were gathered around, giggling. “Okay Draymond, before we send a crew down there, tell me…

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Klay Thompson 19 Points Full Highlights (4/30/2013)

“Hey Steph, you know, this doesn’t seem like a great idea.” “Shut up Klay. I can’t remember who broke the NBA record for made threes this year, maybe you could remind me?” “You did. That doesn’t change the fact that this is a bad idea, even by your standards. My hieroglyph-parsing skills are diminished since…

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Harrison Barnes 23 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (4/30/2013)

Is there a more presidential name in the NBA than Harrison Barnes? I don’t think so. I’d definitely vote for him. I wouldn’t even think about it. Just seeing his name on the ballot, I’d be like “Wow look at that name. Harrison Barnes. I trust him already. He is the man to lead this…

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